The much dreaded 'Existential Crisis' has finally made its appearance. It reflects itself in a lot of ways and always ends up messing with my mind; resulting in a chaotic haze that simply refuses to leave. I report to work each morning with nothing but a big 'Huh?' registered in my mind and leave wondering, 'What just happened back there???' The situation at home is not very different either. The state of indecisiveness is depressing to say the least coz I was never the one to sit on the fence, but right now decision-making is scaring the shit out of me.
Yes, I know this sounds gibberish...so let me explain.
- The 'Corporate Slave' crisis: Since childhood, middle class upbringing pretty much nails the idea that education is the only means of achieving 'success' in the real world. The problem is nobody ever spells out the definition of 'success' back then. Worse even is that one is never encouraged to explore his/her meaning of success. So of course, one struggles through the oft-trodden path of 10th-12th-Graduation-MBA only to finally land up in 'a nice job in an MNC'. And do you know what's the funny part in this whole scenario? Only after going through the ENTIRE ordeal does one realize that 'a nice job in an MNC' was not what I wanted and I would have been perfectly happy with a small piece of land and a tiny cottage in some village with a well and swing in the courtyard with a few cattle and a dog and my own vegetable garden and some hot coffee brewing on the stove and good book awaiting to be read!!
- The 'Conformist' crisis: A girl of 24 yrs needs be gotten rid off. Of course they put it in milder terms. There is also a subset called 'You-are-a-girl-behave-like-one!' crisis which one finds stupid beyond doubt and won't bother explaining.
- The 'WTF!' crisis: An episode in the recent past has left me shaken to the core. Having immense confidence in my parents and this strong sense of self belief that one has groomed the parents well (:P) I expressed the desire of getting a tattoo done. Not because its cool (Ok, may be a little) but more-so coz I wanted to experiment and experience something new. The reply seemed like a rude wake-up call for someone who thought her family was quite a progressive one! "Why don't you wait for a few years till you are married and then get one if your husband is fine with it?" :O No words. No argument but a genuine 'WTF!' can beat this one.
If you think post is one big crib against the 'berehem zaalim duniya', well it's not. If you think this post is about parent-bashing, it's not. If you think this is about lending a voice to the feminist in me, wrong again. Its just my thoughts and a few questions I am grappling to find answers to. Trust me dude...these may be one of the most happening years of my life but they are also the most confusing ones!! Give me back those Board exams and late night cramming!! The' 'Chef vs Doctor' arguments with mom! Or even the "Only 90% PCB? God! I am dooooomed" times and I would gladly swap them with these.
Life as I knew is not the same anymore and something tells me its not getting any simpler. Sigh!
