Distracted.

It's foolish the number of times I have begun writing a post, lost the train of thoughts and dumped it into drafts. I love the idea of writing while listening to music. I start with finding the right song for my mood to build up the whole environment (Hindi has a very apt term for it - samaa bandhana. English pales in comparison). Anyway, so one starts with finding the right song for the right mood and hopes to publish a blog-post one is happy with...but things somehow run down-hill after the whole youtubing thing.

Here's what happens with me:

• Create a playlist of similar mood songs on Youtube - say - Romantic
  
• Forget that one song from that really insignificant movie starring Salman Khan & that actress from the South.
• Try recollecting her name for 26 odd seconds. Ditch.
  
• Google for 'Salman Khan + Actress from South' to come up with some ridiculous search results.
• A lil' more head scratching....Ahan!! Her name in the movie was Maggie! (Talk about some food for thought!)
  
• Google for 'Salman + Maggie' - Love it is! All hail IMDb.
• Oh btw, check out this review at the bottom of the page here.
• Haan, so where was I? Yes, "Saathiya...yeh tune kya kiya"
• Buzz on GTalk - ofcourse its an old friend and I am not the one to go invisible after being buzzed, no sire. So one replies, patiently..using very little words just to give the right indication that one might be caught up in something important at the moment or when all fails 'brb' to the rescue.
• Wouldn't it be better to just change the status message to 'Busy' for a while. But no sire no, we are not the ones to simply put up a plain, boring status message are we? We are the creative class (or so we think) so it has to be a creatively borrowed 3rd line of that ghazal one once heard and is not very sure of the meaning. But what if someone pings to ask the meaning and catches one unawares! Imagine the horror! So we google for the meaning and then put up a status msg something like this:
  Kuch to mere pindar-e-mohabbat ka bharam rakh
  Tu bhi to kabhi mujhko manane ke liye aa...Ranjish hi sahi....
  
• Almost 11.5 mins since I last checked FB updates :|
• Yayness! He liked my status msg...need a wittier come-back. Google. (Yes, lame.)
• Hey, new video posted by him..must be something cool...let me check it out!
• Superb video! Like. Comment. Share.
• Hayyee. Relationship status update by Rohan & Pri? kab? kyu? kaise? and most imp. ab kiske saath? ;) (Yes, we are like that only)
• So, where was I? Video..FB...imdb...google...youtube...blogspot!

And so, in this brilliant manner a perfect blogging mood get wasted by yours truly's utter stupidity and one sinks further down the depression of not blogging enough. Does this happen to you? any foolproof solution?

P.S: While I was writing this blog, the following conversation ensued with a friend.

Ashok: abbe

rutuja: hi

Ashok: give me suggestions

rutuja: for?

Ashok: things to do

i got absolutely no work in office today :|

rutuja: haha

i m blogging..abt how i get distracted while blogging

and end up not blogging :P

Ashok: lol

i am guessing you would mention me in the credits section :P

rutuja: brb :D

@ Ashok - There you go...you got a mention on my blog! I used my first 'brb-to-the-rescue' weapon on you and holly mighty did it work!! I am extremely pleased with myself (or as they say in Queen's Land - I am mighty chuffed right now!) for almost having completed this piddly blogpost which may not mean much to the world but is a no small feat for this girl.

Information you can live without.

I hate this transitory phase. I am at home currently but would return to my b-school in a week's time. Half of my clothes lie in the laundry bag, a few in the cupboard - all neatly washed n ironed while a few peep out of suitcase. Half of my stuff is still back there in my other home - that lovely hostel room back in MICA...and in all this I feel halved..incomplete..somewhat hanging in between 2 places..neither here nor there. I mean..my post-its are there and important stuff to write about here! My silver earrings here and the matching bangles back there :( I wish I was all in one place..me and my belongings. I feel so incomplete without them..no, not just the clothes, books, jewellery and stationery..but my life! I am not liking this duality - I miss my mirror, my marker pens and my cupboard door full of post-its. I miss evening walks around the campus, the after-dinner walks and that liesurely breakfast full of news and gossips.

I am increasingly irked by my behaviour. I plan a lot, decide on a few but eventually end up doing almost nothing. What else can explain 85 unfinished drafts of blog-posts? Make that 86 - if I give up finishing this one too.

Mindless social networking. Those stupid stupid FB quizzes..going back to them after a few hours to see if any other equally lame homo sapien has bothered 'liking' or commenting. How shallow am I gonna get?

Its been ages since I wrote a poem. A long time since I read a good book..Ok, the last one was 2 weeks back. But 2 weeks of utter joblessness?? Adding the same set of people as friends on Orkut, Facebook, LinkedIn..followed by scraps of 'Wassup? How u doing?' to the same people I didnt even bother talking to back in school or college. Aargh! I seriously dont need this form of active social life.

Thankfully the offline social life is not that pathetic. But yeah, my parents have become increasingly intolerant of my erratic biolgical clock. I am my most active self when they are asleep and just vegetate around the house during the day. Cant blame them but then its too difficult to adopt normalcy now, that too for a few days.

Gastronomically speaking (no updates are complete without this) it has been a blessed holiday so far. Sabudana wadas, khichdi and other such holiday-items are ticked off in the list. The long lost love for cooking was rekindled and I realised once again why MBA was such a bad idea.

Here is the list of what I cooked this week:

1. Vegetable Pulav
2. Jeera rice
   
3. Baingan ka bharta
4. Chocolate brownie
5. Vegetable momos
6. Gobi ke pakode
   
7. Onion-Potato-Chilli Bhajji
8. Pasta in tomato sauce
9. Maggi (some 4 times in one week)
   
10. French toasts (had them after almost 2 years!)

Cooking is sucha stress-buster. So is cleaning the cupboard. De-cluttering is good. Clears the mind. Just what I need right now. But cant :(( Who cooks at 2 am? nd who will eat?? as for cleaning the cupboard...damn! the cupboard here is almost empty :( So here I go..back to my cribbing session. Missing good things in life..getting bored of boredom and lacking motivation to break this vicious cycle.

What a waste I am!

All I remember is 'Addhi haddi di nangi chudail!' :D

Its 3 am and this is when I am my widest awake.

• I won 3 baddy matches today!Yay! No the opposite team wasn't a limbu-timbu. It's just that my partner was, you know, good :)
  
• My MICARE (On-campus, students-run provision store) bill was only Rs.53 and I actually felt bad that I didn't contribute much so had two Maaza to alleviate the guilt. With a 30% sudden spike it now stands at Rs. 69 :|
  
• A case-study writing competition on which I had worked with a bunch of junees declared its result today. We didn't make it. Not because we weren't good enough but because the guy heading the competition decided to shelve our case topic on his own whim and fancy!! I mean ya, WTF!!
• Viraj was slightly mad at me for not doing things that I had promised him some time back (3 weeks back :| He sombrely reminds). I gave him a dozen excuses and prayed he will understand :D No wonder he calls me 'nalayak' :(
  
• It's Garba time in Gujjuland!! And do you know what am I doing tonight? Sitting on my bed typing out this silly post which no one except my great grand child will one day read! Hmph!
  
• Ok, let's try once again..it's Garba time in Gujjuland!! And do you know what I had for dinner? White, bland, oily rubber balls that also go around by the name Sabudana wada!! A culinary rape, to say the least. Grr..
• Ok, for the last time..it's Garba time in Gujjuland!! 'Abe stop yelling and start that Retail wala assignment due day after' ' Are you done transcripting the FGDs? chal insights likhne baith' 'Kya hua? insights nahi mile? Toh findings likh aur insights bolke thok de :P' ' Media laws & Ethics ka assignment hua?' "Fir SCM kaun uncle karega?'
  
• Sigh! So even though it's Garba time in Gujjuland..(dil pe dagad rakhke) Do I look like I care? :(
  
• Oh how could I forget? (actually one must try to.. but harrowing memories!) Yesterday a bunch of us frustrated souls went for a late night show of 'Dil Bole Hadippa!' Well let me just say - the company was good, the ambience was good and I am still wondering why the heck was Sherlyn Chopra wearing a muffler over a bikini top and hot pants? Rani - get married, have kids! It's high time. Shahid - Don't get married, you are totally drool-worthy right now.
  

Exam's in 3 days..no wait, 2 days :0
And home* in 6 days!! :)

*Home - place where Sabudana wadas are like Sabudana wadas.

What is it that i fear the most?

Hi!just had this incessant urge to talk to some one but all my so-called good friends are busy with no time for me. So I am doing the next best possible thing
Q: What is the root cause of sorrow?
A: Desire
Sahi jawab!!!!…aur aap jeete hain…..well nothing ….not even a teeny meeny amount of respect because he said it was a mugged answer.

WHAT IS IT THAT I FEAR THE MOST?

CB asked this question and got me thinking…loss of loved ones, failed dreams, fear of the unknown.
Did you ever want some thing bad enough to risk everything…just to realize you would never get it?
Well you can say that atleast you tried and its better to try and fail than never to have tried at all…..but deep inside, your heart still burns for it and you pray for one little chance to have that feeling... of how it feels to have it.

What happens when your dreams don’t come true?
Do you stop dreaming? No of course not!…but some where down the line you stop believing in them. You stop believing even in the possibility of them coming to life. Happens to all…right?

“Lehron ke saath to koi bhi tair leta hain,
Par asli insaan who hai jo lehron ko cheer kar aage badhta hain”
Sounds more like the definition of Mosses crossing the red sea than a common man trying to dodge the puddles on the road.
So coming back to the question. I fear loneliness, failure or rather loneliness that follows a major failure. Trust me, I have an authority on this one. It’s like “been there, done that, slept through most of it” kinda situation…and quite literally too!! Someone once said to me “Success has many fathers, but failure is an orphan.” And it struck me like a bolt! I don’t want to be orphaned even though it means having those people around who are just ‘sukh ke saathi’ and ‘dukh me koi nahi’! One would ask, “why do you want those people who you know are not gonna be there when you need them?” And I would say, “because it feels good to be loved that’s why.” Lame, I know, but that’s me.