Dusting off the cobwebs...

Dear Blog,

Sorry I completely ignored you for a really, really long time and although so much was happening all around me that needed to be recorded/expressed/vented, I just kept it to myself in a corner of my mind and heart (a corner which I eventually hoped would vanish). But then unexpressed feelings have this funny thing about them, they keep expressing themselves in the weirdest of ways - tears, memories, dreams..

So finally here I am, doing what I should have never stopped doing.

Life has taken a very serious turn lately. Everything I do is SERIOUS. I look serious, I talk serious and worse, I AM serious almost all the time. 'Tom-foolery, where art thou? Those silly jokes? Those insane, utterly meaning-less conversations - why did you vanish? Are you mad at me and hiding in some silly corner?' 

Uff. This post is turning out even sadder than I thought to be. Ok! So time for updates!!

In these few months, there are/were many a firsts for me -
- My first Quarterly Review (and that's all we are talking about it)
- My first Health Check-up (not counting the one just after I said 'Hello! World')
- My first pair of best friends (those shinny lil' things that dangle on your ears, hide behind hair and costs your parents a bomb :D)
- The first wedding of my generation in my family.(!!!!!)

Damn, writing a post in parts is such a bad idea. You lose the flow and never end up saying what you actually started out with. I guess I will stop here. Contrary to popular opinion, I do have a heart, cant torture my single-digit  loyal fan following :|

One last thought - I think this post exactly reflects my current state of mind - sad, confused, lost for directions and without any zing whatsoever.

To stop train, pull the chain!

Today was a saturday. I realised that coz we had Pav-bhaji for dinner (yes, I by-heart the Mess Menu Time-table). Another thing I realised...the Ganpati fest is still on! So much for getting senti last week and pouring my heart out over the last post.

Where did the week go? Isn't second year supposed to mucho relaxed? Didn't our seniors laugh at us mockingly last year when we raced for classes? I had avenged to do the same to my junees next year. Then why am I sitting next to this junee in the library when have I should been watching movies and making merry? Why do I see the whole 'academic riguer' (yes ChaCha did exactly what he meant!) giving me rigor mortis?

The 'To do' list is now running into pages...so outrageous that its almost funny.
Not that I had been only slogging my ass off all the time..I did play basketball once this week and ended up breaking my specs :| The next day was fun too...heavenly infact! Played badminton is rains for almost 2 hours. (Plastic shuttle folks!!)

But then why do I feel life is slipping away super fast?
Remember how it feels while traveling in a long-distance train? You want to read the names of those tiny hamlets that pass by..but you just cant. Its that feeling! And some higher intelligence tells me that this train shall never stop! :(

Is it so bad or am I simply cribbing too much? :|

What is it that i fear the most?

Hi!just had this incessant urge to talk to some one but all my so-called good friends are busy with no time for me. So I am doing the next best possible thing
Q: What is the root cause of sorrow?
A: Desire
Sahi jawab!!!!…aur aap jeete hain…..well nothing ….not even a teeny meeny amount of respect because he said it was a mugged answer.

WHAT IS IT THAT I FEAR THE MOST?

CB asked this question and got me thinking…loss of loved ones, failed dreams, fear of the unknown.
Did you ever want some thing bad enough to risk everything…just to realize you would never get it?
Well you can say that atleast you tried and its better to try and fail than never to have tried at all…..but deep inside, your heart still burns for it and you pray for one little chance to have that feeling... of how it feels to have it.

What happens when your dreams don’t come true?
Do you stop dreaming? No of course not!…but some where down the line you stop believing in them. You stop believing even in the possibility of them coming to life. Happens to all…right?

“Lehron ke saath to koi bhi tair leta hain,
Par asli insaan who hai jo lehron ko cheer kar aage badhta hain”
Sounds more like the definition of Mosses crossing the red sea than a common man trying to dodge the puddles on the road.
So coming back to the question. I fear loneliness, failure or rather loneliness that follows a major failure. Trust me, I have an authority on this one. It’s like “been there, done that, slept through most of it” kinda situation…and quite literally too!! Someone once said to me “Success has many fathers, but failure is an orphan.” And it struck me like a bolt! I don’t want to be orphaned even though it means having those people around who are just ‘sukh ke saathi’ and ‘dukh me koi nahi’! One would ask, “why do you want those people who you know are not gonna be there when you need them?” And I would say, “because it feels good to be loved that’s why.” Lame, I know, but that’s me.