“Some days even my lucky rocketship underpants won't help.” - Calvin

Ever had your computer hang when you try to open too many browsers or tabs? That obviously has been due to too much of an overload for the poor machine. [Ok geeks - do not get technical on me and explain how a computer actually hangs]. 

The human mind [at least mine] acts in a much similar fashion. Too many emotions sends it into a temporary numb state and one either needs to sleep it off or shake it like crazy to shut-off and re-start.

This week me and my people went through the shock and grief a colleague-friend's sudden death. The experience was traumatic for many of us. But personally, nothing was more mind-numbing than watching my friend's funeral [the traditional Hindu way]. Yes, I stood there...by her pyre. Watched her cold body go to flames. It felt unreal. Like a movie scene. Yet very raw. In the face. Standing less than10 feet away. The priest chanting the shlokas, the old uncle shaking from head to toe crying his guts out and the cousin holding onto to the uncle from collapsing. And as surreal as it may seem the person who laid down on the pyre was the same person you had your lunch with and went to gym together the earlier day! 

Never before did the fragility of this life seem more blatant. It was in my face. Like a 'Take That!' moment. I know several colleagues who revisited their insurance plans in the past 2 days. After all the friend we lost was supposed to have her new car delivered the same morning she had the fateful accident! Take that! Like death seemed to say to us optimists. Uncertain? Yes. Cruel? Oh yes.

And yet, like the sickening proverbial 'Show must go on.." we were back in our office formals the next day. Meetings lined up, sales figures drawn, excel sheets opened and made love with. The days were tactfully spent pushing back the thoughts of the lost one so as to have a productive working day. But its really hard to gulp down the lunch with an empty chair at the table.

Push away a thought. Pull back a memory. Linger on. Revisit good old times. Feel like a punch in the tummy. Shun that thought. Open a blank ppt. Forget what to type. Suddenly remember the last joke we cracked. Smile to self. Oh, will you concentrate on the ppt here? Just a thought. Now whom will I go to the gym with? Wonder a little. Scold self for the selfishness. All tugging of thoughts...and the mind seriously calling it a day.

You wish to cry but crying becomes an action/ function of a well identified emotion like grief or sadness and when numbness takes over, all emotions get jumbled into a big fuzz ball that the mind is better off not dealing with for the time being.

And then some time later, much later, after you have slept over the numbness a couple of times and the pain becomes more jaded and less sharper and you are just having a random conversation on a very different topic, something in you tells you it's time. To shed those tears that have been waiting for too long.You find yourself weeping mid-sentence and getting it out of your system. And indeed, good cry later you feel emotionally lighter.

You call an old friend you have been meaning to call for ages but hadn't. You talk to mom and dad (actually making 2 separate calls on their individual mobile phones.) Look up the calendar and plan a trip home. Hug someone. Eat an icecream. Cook some pasta. Sing aloud while doing so. Read some funny blogs and visit, re-visit and keep visiting here & here. And then you blog a little on this tiny blog of yours, post a post with Calvin & Hobbes title. Not because you want people to read you right away. But if you aren't there anymore some day...you don't want them to forget you.

Rest In Peace Dear Friend

20^th Feb, 2012 began like any other Monday morning. The reluctance to get out of the bed followed by getting ready while making a mental check-list of things to be done at work.

Little did we know it wasn’t just a regular every-day morning.

The news was told as soon as one stepped into the office. And that was it. Sealed with a grim confirmation. No space for doubts. Or even hope. She was gone. Just like that.

How do you say goodbye to a friend who leaves you suddenly?

How do you express that sharp sudden stab of shock, pain, horror and then grief and sadness? How do you deal with the sudden vacuum left behind?

The brain is a wonderful thing I tell you…the minute I heard the news, it went on a blank mode. I didn’t feel any pain or sadness. I even went thinking – What a lousy prank is this! She would come marching up to my seat any moment now and laugh out loud at this sick prank. The brain still thinks that’s precisely what’s going to happen.

The first time we met – she told me she hated MICAns. Can you believe her guts? And yet, she went on to become a good friend of mine. There must be something about her.

The first time I went to her place…she made me clean her house and do chores!!  [Of course, this is my version of the story! She claimed much khatirdaari!] and yet, I waited to be invited over again. There must be something about her.

She was more absent than present in the office. A hands-on field-work pro, was she; passionate about her brands and a fighter/striver to no end. We didn’t see each other for months at end. But whenever she was back, we made sure to grab our cups of coffee and warm that black couch for hours together.

We sailed the same boat. Our brand woes brought us together. We cribbed in unison. We laughed, we gossiped together. When one complained of a useless agency work, the other nodded with understanding. The lunches that extended up to an hour and the gym sessions that never quite managed to make it to one hour mark. Time spent together was time well cherished.   

There was a distinct streak of good spirit in her. I wish I could tell you what a fighter she was, in her personal and professional life. Stood by what she believed to be right. Firm and strong. And yet, she wasn’t all grown up with grown-up issues. She was a kid at heart. A devil, if you ask me. (Probably the reason why we got along so well!) She was naughty, dramatic and a certified ‘laugh out loud’-er.

How I wish I could tell myself and everyone else around that you are in a better place now. But I refuse to accept that!  You were happy here and would have never ever wanted to leave this place for a really long, long time!!  Can’t stop wondering why this had to happen.

To all those coffees that would never happen

To the black couch that would never heard your booming laughter again

To office gossips that would never be the same again

To lunches that will never stretch too long

To the office gym where I won’t see you again

To all those moments where we will now sigh and say, wish you were here now…

Will miss you my dear friend.

While waiting for bum ke neeche aag lagna...

Post start time: 1:40 am

I have never quite talked much about my every day life here, those mundane days when things follow their boring well-set patterns and nothing is overtly emotional or outburst-y. For me, somehow this blog has always been a place to pour out emotions and sadly normalcy never found a place here. But you know what? Mundane is good. Coz mundane is what makes 99.5% of our lives and we better learn to make peace with it. 

There is a lot happening currently in terms of lifestyle changes in one's life....the kind that sounds an alarm bell once one reaches the quarter-life. In simple terms, the gym happened. A best friend from schooldays and a MICAn senior on the very same day (eerie na!) extolled the virtues of "weight-loss = looking awesome + feeling awesome + getting attention from boyz" so much that one was convinced beyond doubt that thou shalt live without having a life, but thou shalt not miss gymming.

And so has begun 'The 40 Day Challenge'. 40 days and nights of healthy living. 40 days of working out in the gym, having healthy breakfast every morning, eating fruits everyday and only home/self-cooked food for dinner. (Oh God! Please don't let this jinx it...now that I have gone and  announced to the entire world readership of 22.) "Now why 40 days?" you would ask, dear reader..so here it is. The challenge will end with a celebration of much awesomeness (since weight-loss = looking awesome + feeling awesome + getting attention from boyz) along with one's birthday!!

So every day, these days, I walk down my lane for like 40 seconds, proudly carrying 2 bags - one chugging along the laptop and the other -  the gym wear, cross the road and enter the office building (Ok. This statement was sheepishly added to tell the world that I stay 1 min away from office. Which. Is. A. Big. Deal. Ask any Mumbaikar). 

Now office gym gets limited "hunk footfalls". (Actually Hunks: Non-female ratio is pretty bleak in my office - but one tries to work around the situation). But then it was identified that hunk footfalls is a critical success factor in the successful execution of 'The 40 Day Challenge'. One needs this for  constant motiovation and more so in the case when the one's body shows the tendency of shedding not more than 5 gms/day and hence any self-motivation is a goner. So, after a few days of careful data analysis, it was derived that hunk footfalls are highest in the evening hours coupled with excellent timing of good TV shows (one shamefully does not own a TV and has to do by watching cricket matches of critical importance - including the World Cup Final at neighbour's place). After much calculations of the day's work-loads, work hours and gym timings of the said hunks, one tries to strategically coincide one's timings (while appearing to be highly casual about it) just so one can blissfully huff-puff-sweat on the very next treadmill while the said hunks can throw deplorable sighs at ones measly running speeds. Such is life and all that!

Oh btw, 2 new mckinsey guys, consulting a team whose performance was going down the drain (and more so after paying hourly charges to the said guys) are seen frolicking around in my office these days with an air of well - "consultants". Difficult to probably define. But yeah, once you see it..you get it. And what is with their diet coke consumption? As if they have signed a bond while taking up the job - 'Thou shalt replace all body fluids with Diet Coke with immediate effect'.

Any way, on the work front November was Sweet! :D

My brands (my babies actually) did much better than before (2 of them, with all modesty, did brilliantly!) and my team did fabulous. And so here I am staying up late in the night, pretending to work on a ppt for a v. v. imp meeting tomorrow while munching on Kellogg's Special K cornflakes like a chivda (and an expensive one at that!) 

And that is all that has been happening in my life for the past few days. 

Hoping to keep up with 'The 40 Day Challenge' - shall keep updating about it.

And now I shall return to my ppt that's been shouting out for attention since some time as the proverbial 'bum ke neeche aag' finally lag gayi hai.

Post end time: 2:30 am

Dear readership of 21,

Silly how I cannot bring myself to write in spite of great many things to write about. The Opposite of Writers' Block - something like a Bottle Neck.

Anyhow. There are stories and stories and stories I wish I could pour out on this blog right now. Let me start off making a list of things to clear some of my cerebral clutter.

1. My oh-so-awesome Europe Trip...ok, UK trip...but Scotland, Ireland & London man!!
2. Latest obsession - Pygmalion & other works of George Bernard Shaw (He is half Irish, half British...no points in guessing my UK trip hangover is far from being over)
3. My first impressions of the Rosogulla land  - Kolkata. Oh! and how I stayed at the country's first Floating hotel aptly named Floatel on Babughat opposite the marvelous and majestic SBI HQ office and a mere hop-skip-jump from Eden Gardens Stadium!!
4. Staying alone...Staying alive.. in Biryani land - Hyderabad
5. And finally since my work involves some bit of traveling, I am contemplating writing my own version of 'The Terminal" (Desi Tom Hanks anyone? Feel free to contact me :P)  

And so deadlines and hectic schedules be damned. Here I am..making a start all over again to make peace with my blogging alter-ego so as not to piss her off and shoo her away for months at end like last time.

Its nearly office time...and I hate the fact that this post doesn't really have any purpose other than a quick 'hi, wassup world. me still alive, ok bye.'

So a post this is! And  I promise to update to my lovely audience of 21 followers and any other misguided random lurker...thou shalt blog regularly from this day onwards...till death and/or bad internet connection do us part.

Amen.

Adhoore Khwaab...

choti aankhen dekhe bade khwaab
mushkil sawaalon ke mange jawaab
khwaab dekhne par na thi pabandi
ziddi mann chahe unka hona puri

Can cook to save life.

The grass is always greener on the other side, they say. But the other day my heart truly went out to my best friend from college, Avinash. MS in biotech jumbo-mumbo in some frozen county of New York is making life tough for the poor guy. Cooking was never his forte and now he is fending himself off on frozen foods. Adding to his woes, the proverbial ' golden ray of hope' (that would be me) is missing from his life. No wonder! He is in sucha dump! :P

Alright! May be things aren't that bad..but yes, the moron bought a microwave for 3$ at a garage sale and I bet he hasn't even warmed water in it yet.

So here it is - The recipe I promised you Avi. Try to stick to the basics and I assure you that it will be edible

Vegetable Pulav - Microwave-made

Total Time: 20 mins (including preparation time)

Ingredients:

1 cup of rice
1 cup of chopped carrots
1 cup of chopped cauliflower
1/2 cup chopped french beans
1/2 cup chopped onion
1 cup of chopped potatoes

Basically any veggies you can lay your hands on.
Spare the yucky brinjals and lady's fingers though!

1 tablespoon oil
1 teaspoon jeera
2-3 chopped green chillies
1/2 tablespoon chopped garlic
1-2 teaspoons red chilli powder
2 teaspoons garam masala
2 teaspoons dhaniya powder
Salt swadanusaar (Thus spake like a true chef!)

Method: Switch on the microwave. (Duh!) Now in a borosil/any microwave-friendly container, add the oil and warm it for 30 seconds (I use piHigh ie. Microwave mode). Now add the jeera, chopped chillies, garlic and let it microwave for one minute. To the pot, now add all the veggies, the masalas, salt, rice and around 3 cups of good old H2O. The best way to be sure if the water is enough or not, well, there should be a a nice 1 inch gap between level of rice + veggies and that of the water in the pot (Level of water > Level of rice).

Done! Now microwave this for 13-15 mins. Remove once when you are half-way through and stir well. You can also add a dash of lemon juice and sprinkling of coriander now (Never mind Avi! Move on) and then continue cooking till all the water is absorbed and the rice is well cooked and dry.

Serve hot with some Lijjat papads, pickle, raita and chhaas (Avi, you can skip this.)

Voila!! I told you..a good hot meal is only a few minutes away :)


P.S: No clue about US, but in India we wash the rice atleast 3-4 times to remove that white powder thats used to preserve it. Dont exactly know what it is - I guess some pesticide! Just thought I should remind you :P

Now do a favour on that microwave of yours and try this dish out. Oh! and take pics - put them on FB - that will send girls swooning after you :P

Love,
Rutuja

P.S : Pic is from the net. Outcome of the above experiment may not resemble the picture. Kindly excuse.

There's something about him...

I saw him again tonight. He was nervous, yet smiling. His smile radiated from across the distance and I quickly forgot that I was in a foul mood. He grabbed my bowl of hakka noodles and threatened to devour it all by himself. I simply turned around and said go ahead. He was perplexed and returned it sheepishly. I smiled knowing that I am never so generous to others.

He came up to me to talk about his worries, the tension was obviously killing him. I was only too glad to be of some help. He promised that I would be the first one to know of any good result of his impending predicament. I knew then that I had been a good friend. He put a hand around me and shook me by arms. Silly boy, he doesnt know that his playfulness had won me over a long time back.

He wishes to talk more but I know I should leave. I can only be a friend and that's all can he be to me. I am happy to have him as a friend and can't complicate things in either of our lives. Sometimes it's only fair to keep it simple.

I think of that special someone he has back home and curiously I feel no animosity towards her. How could anyone not like him? But then she was the blessed one and so was he to have her.

But I cant leave without telling him of all that he has meant to me. Someday I will tell but today's not the time. Let me be the friend that he needs right now. Let me be the support that he seeks. Not because I want him to like me. Not because of what I want him to think..may be because I need a friend too. Yes, just a friend in my life. That's all.

Gunda..no, not the movie!

Yesterday the happiest moment in the day came at 4.25 am. The Chandni junta (if awake) must have thought I am seriously demented to laugh my head off in the dead silence of the wee hours. All this over one pic of a 'gunda'.

If the above lines don't make any sense, well they aren't supposed to. Thanks Abhijit. You know you were my best friend once...and now I know why :)

*****

Ever since 2nd year has started, I am becoming more and more aware of the fact that my MICA days have remained largely un-jotted. Apart from the few idle evenings, Mathew movies and random bakwaas nothing is recorded :( Memories are fading fast! Need to hold on to them...coz there is nothing worse than forgetting about a good time you once had!