Why did George O'Malley have to die?

He died. George O'Malley.

During a Sunday afternoon re-run of Grey's Anatomy.

The Mr. Nice Guy. The Mr. Best Friend. Died. Just like that.

And surprisingly enough, it feels like a personal loss.

I went to a very geeky college. The one where people spent hours looking down their microscopes or mixing their acids with bases. Where library late fees made a major dent to pocket money and where guys would grow beard just staring at their HPLCs. And right there...in those chemistry labs and dark hallways of my very geeky college, I met quite a few George O'Malleys. 

I don't wish to stereotype here because they each had a distinct personality. But, they all had this quintessential O'Mally-ness - Generous. Kind-hearted. Always willing to go out on a limb for a friend.

In 2012, I lost my George O'Malley. A friend for over 8 years. 

It was funny how our relationship had transitioned during all these years. 

From a senior whom I adored, admired and even had a crush on from the very first day of my college life. (He would always stop in the corridors for a chat - That used to be the high-point of my day).

To a friend/advisor I ran to with my problems just to always get the most encouraging words.

And finally one of my closest friends, who gave me my first and probably the last nickname, discussed his life issues with and used to rant/ramble for hours at end!

How do you deal with a loss? How to tell yourself that that niche in your heart made by your crush-turned-best buddy is always going to be a vacuum now? Those long phone calls, those chats, his 'hey Rutu, sun na', and all that wonderful time spent together and not to forget his cheerful, heart-warming smile, is never coming back?

Do you 'celebrate his life with tearful eyes and remember his goodness'? I am told that that is the most acceptable thing to do. But then I took to crying in bed till late at night. Of course you can't forget people. It's easier to pretend that they are in some far away land..temporarily unreachable. I hear his 'hey Rutu, sun na'  and 'arey yaar, bas kya?' quite often. (No, I am not losing it) I see his face smiling back at me. And although its been a few months, I still feel, it's a prank. Still.

I remember our conversations. Especially the ones when he was getting married. I had never seen a more enthusiastic groom but then as he said...shaadi toh ek hi baar hoti hai! 

You were there the night before my first job interview - coaching me all evening.

You were there when I landed the job next day - celebrating my success.

You were there as my competitor in GD/PI classes - it was such fun fighting it out with you.

You were there when I had my first heart-break - consoling me, telling me I was meant for better things.

You were my George O'Malley. And you weren't supposed to leave till the last episode of the season. Wasn't that the deal? There isn't a single day I don't remember you. And I am not saying this because that's the most cliched thing to say. I have cried a lot. Alone and in front of lots of people. I have really out-done my quota of tears. And yet, I fail to reach a reason. I changed blogs. I spoke to other friends. But nothing seems to help. So finally today, I blog about it. About you. 

Cause if I can declare it to the world that I am sad because of a sitcom character dying (read: actor ending his contract for better prime time), I can very well say it out loud that I am still grieving your loss and I miss you so much. Still mad at you for not replying my Diwali message. (And dying is not a good enough reason for that!)

Miss you, Apurva.