Packing life in cartons..yet again!

Come this weekend and life as I know shall never be the same again.

In a few days I move into a one BHK apartment [rented ofcourse] and for the first time after moving to the new city almost 1.5 years ago, I shall be truly independent. Sharing a place with flat-mates was fun...more like a hostel with a canteen attached for a midnight maggi session where you never feel the burden of responsibilities.

However, renting a place all by oneself seems like a big deal. Rent, maintenance, maid, electricity, gas, cable, internet - just a few deductibles one needs to remember each month. Simply to survive! I already shudder at the thought of having to keep the laundry bag empty and the fridge full at all times [probability of the reverse is always higher]. I already need to buy stuff like bed, cupboard, TV, refrigerator and a gas stove. yeah, did I mention the apartment is unfurnished? But I kind of like it that way. It's better to have no furniture than being stuck with the bad one.

So let me describe you my cute little place. It's got an L shaped drawing room, a perfect square of a bedroom, a washroom that's just the right size, a narrow rectangular kitchenette and a lovely balcony that runs along the bedroom and kitchen space. That's it...All mine! :)

Oh! Did I mention it's on the sixth floor and gets some seriously lovely breeze in the evening? 

Curtains, carpets, cushions...all in the colour scheme!! The mind is already drawing endless shopping lists. Want to buy a fridge? 165 or 220 litres? Single/double door? Frost/de-frost? Which brand? Which model? What guarantee? Phew!! So many decisions...and I haven't even come to the colours yet!

Whatever said and done...I know I await this experience. I feel almost ready jumping into this role of being super-independent. From where I am looking, it seems pretty well-timed and well-transitioned. But one can never be too sure, right?  

Packing my life, yet again, in bags & cartons, I can't help but feel like a nomad, who is just a bit too eager to make every place her own. 

Wish me luck,

Cheers.

A love like that...[II]

She was such a goon growing up. Beat many a boys in her school corridor. Once, she even slapped a senior on the school-bus back home [In her defense, he was sitting in HER seat!] She loved to argue and considered herself quite good at verbal duels. 

Times changed. She didn't. Soon she was in college. Her long tresses cut short. Boy-cut was what they called it. Collared half-sleeved shirts and a ragged pair of jeans. And the boy-cut. Almost a boy, you see. Strangely enough, she now made great friends with the guys. They no longer feared her. She was one of them. She laughed at their jokes about other girls and even added her own witty one-liners. They came to her on days of journal submission. They rallied around campaigning for her during college elections. and as weird as it may sound - they cared for her - like a buddy, in a brotherly sort of way - the girl, with the boy-cut.

Times changed again [how irritating is that!] And yet again, she didn't. There she was working in the corporate world. Cut-throat competition. Who knew being a bully at school would come to so much use later in life! She loved the aggression. The dominant streak that gets passed off as leadership qualities. And once again she became the 'man on the team'. Gym buddy. Smoke buddy. Booze buddy. They ranted about their girlfriends, she listened. They raved about their trophy wives and she listened. She smiled. She understood - something that always surprised the guys.

Times changed quickly thereafter. Her long tresses grew back. Her dark eyes shone when she laughed. She was suddenly noticeable. Second and third glances [and accompanied male attention] became a part of her life. A girl friend gifted a kaajal pencil and insisted she try on some. That day she became aware of the magic of kohl eyes. People seemed nicer, friendlier and worse, no one wanted to fight with her any more. No more verbal duels. No intelligent [or even lame] arguments.

And one day, she met him. He was smart and funny. Sensible with questionable sensitivity. But there was a spark between the two. He wasn't at his best behaviour with her. He didn't think twice before saying things on his mind. He didn't even offer her the last piece of the pastry..instead eyed hers hungrily. He didn't open doors or pull chairs for her. And he never, ever carried her laptop that she chugged around everywhere. He just walked beside hers, hands in pocket. Sometimes slowing down a step or two to match her speed. He didn't ask her how the day went by. He probably read it on her face. And he always, always started the conversation with the lamest of his jokes.

Times changed yet again. Thankfully, they both didn't. They still walk side by side, carrying their own baggage. No favours on each other. And yet they know when the other is tired. He still doesn't treat her 'like a lady'. But she knows he is the one coz he treats her the way she always wanted to be treated - a girl with a boy-cut.

A love like that [I] here

“Some days even my lucky rocketship underpants won't help.” - Calvin

Ever had your computer hang when you try to open too many browsers or tabs? That obviously has been due to too much of an overload for the poor machine. [Ok geeks - do not get technical on me and explain how a computer actually hangs]. 

The human mind [at least mine] acts in a much similar fashion. Too many emotions sends it into a temporary numb state and one either needs to sleep it off or shake it like crazy to shut-off and re-start.

This week me and my people went through the shock and grief a colleague-friend's sudden death. The experience was traumatic for many of us. But personally, nothing was more mind-numbing than watching my friend's funeral [the traditional Hindu way]. Yes, I stood there...by her pyre. Watched her cold body go to flames. It felt unreal. Like a movie scene. Yet very raw. In the face. Standing less than10 feet away. The priest chanting the shlokas, the old uncle shaking from head to toe crying his guts out and the cousin holding onto to the uncle from collapsing. And as surreal as it may seem the person who laid down on the pyre was the same person you had your lunch with and went to gym together the earlier day! 

Never before did the fragility of this life seem more blatant. It was in my face. Like a 'Take That!' moment. I know several colleagues who revisited their insurance plans in the past 2 days. After all the friend we lost was supposed to have her new car delivered the same morning she had the fateful accident! Take that! Like death seemed to say to us optimists. Uncertain? Yes. Cruel? Oh yes.

And yet, like the sickening proverbial 'Show must go on.." we were back in our office formals the next day. Meetings lined up, sales figures drawn, excel sheets opened and made love with. The days were tactfully spent pushing back the thoughts of the lost one so as to have a productive working day. But its really hard to gulp down the lunch with an empty chair at the table.

Push away a thought. Pull back a memory. Linger on. Revisit good old times. Feel like a punch in the tummy. Shun that thought. Open a blank ppt. Forget what to type. Suddenly remember the last joke we cracked. Smile to self. Oh, will you concentrate on the ppt here? Just a thought. Now whom will I go to the gym with? Wonder a little. Scold self for the selfishness. All tugging of thoughts...and the mind seriously calling it a day.

You wish to cry but crying becomes an action/ function of a well identified emotion like grief or sadness and when numbness takes over, all emotions get jumbled into a big fuzz ball that the mind is better off not dealing with for the time being.

And then some time later, much later, after you have slept over the numbness a couple of times and the pain becomes more jaded and less sharper and you are just having a random conversation on a very different topic, something in you tells you it's time. To shed those tears that have been waiting for too long.You find yourself weeping mid-sentence and getting it out of your system. And indeed, good cry later you feel emotionally lighter.

You call an old friend you have been meaning to call for ages but hadn't. You talk to mom and dad (actually making 2 separate calls on their individual mobile phones.) Look up the calendar and plan a trip home. Hug someone. Eat an icecream. Cook some pasta. Sing aloud while doing so. Read some funny blogs and visit, re-visit and keep visiting here & here. And then you blog a little on this tiny blog of yours, post a post with Calvin & Hobbes title. Not because you want people to read you right away. But if you aren't there anymore some day...you don't want them to forget you.

2011: You were a darling!

The thing about naming your last post as 'Not the Year-end Post' is that it comes and bites you in the rear when only 25 minutes just before the Year End you are actually compelled to write one.

2011:
The Year of Challenges. Welcoming Change. Embracing it.Infact, embracing it so tightly and refusing to let go that change became me.

From Mumbai to Hyderbad
From Account Manager to Brand Manager
From Online Marketing to Pharma Marketing

From holding-on-for-too-long to letting-go
From 'mom-wheres-my-blue-shirt' to drawing and doing my own laundry lists
From lazy interdependence to embarrassing self-reliance

From Queen's necklace in Mumbai to Queen's Crown in London

Cheers to you 2011 for the AWESOMENESS that you have been.
And you, 2012, better match up!!

Wishing for a healthy, happy and divine New Year!
PEACE.

Not the Year-end Post.

Lots of questions on my mind. 

Batch-mates getting married, some buying their own houses. Some having babies. Babies!!

Much collective growing up seems to have happened rather very quickly in last few months.

The parents seem to be asking - when do you want to take the leap? A leap without someone I trust, believe in, depend on for life? ...seems a bit too silly to me, right now.

Work still involves learning. Studying. Applying. So it's still fun. At least for now.

And predictably enough, personal life is non-existent. One does spend on mall visits and multiplexes religiously but no new books/hobbies/personal projects lately.

Staying by oneself in a new city has been a big growing up experience.

Learned the big 'A' word. Adjustments. Add to that Responsibility. Planning. Blame-self-not-mom-when-things-go-wrong.

Lessons 101:

• Vegetables do not miraculously appear in the refrigerator every week
• There is a reason people cook at home. Simple Maths. Aloo = Rs. 12/kg; Aloo ki sabzi at local reastaurant = Rs.120/250 gms.
• Electricity gets cut off when bill stays unpaid for 3 months. More importantly, it isn't actually cut off but switched off from the meter-box downstairs. Can be re-started by pleading to watchman uncle. Gets really cut off if said bill stays unpaid for one more week.
• Maggi shall always be Celebratory food, Comfort food and Survival food.
• Be nice to neighbors. Especially those who make chicken curries on sundays.

 Experience is indeed a great teacher. But others experience is a smarter teacher. So do share tips/learnings/crash-courses on staying alone, staying alive.

Till then...

Asian Paints Ad...Ver Rutuja1.0

Kabhi aisa ho jaye ki hum office hi na jaye..
ghar baithe hi anokhi ek picnic manaye

khidkiyon se kare baate, pooche hawaaon ka haal-chaal..
"kya chahiye rangeen parde?" unse hum karein sawaal

kitchen ke bartanon se bhi aaj ho jaye baatein do-char..
cheeni ki meethi chhuri aur achar ki tej-khatti dhaar

tapakte hue nal ke aaj aasoon poch le..
geyser ki garma-garmi se bhi sulaah kara de

bedroom ka aaina kitni baar bulaye..
aaj phursat se usme apni parchhayee taak le

jab arse se balcony ke paudhe sirf hari pattiyan ugaaye..
tab toh phulon ki gowd bharai ki aaj maang kii jaye

darwaza chup chap jab door khada reh jaaye..
aaj uski bhi dosti deewaron se kii jaye

ek hasi aaj is ghar me bhi baaton..
kabhi is ghar ko waqt aur pyaar se sawaron

kuch na keh kar bhi ghar bahot kuch kehta hai
har ghar yeh kehta hai...andar isme mera apna rehta hai!

Remind me NEVER to do this again!

You think this is the one. THE relationship of your life. After all 4 years is a huge amount of time to get to know someone. How conveniently one forgets that 4 years is a good amount of time for someone to change, as well. He promised me things would be just the same when I come back. He promised nothing would have changed. Yes, most of it is just the same, but he isn't the same anymore. 

Change is not always good, you know. It hurts. A lot. Sleepless nights, crying on your pillow, puffed eyes the next morning, that persistent headache and not to mention the gloom that killeth. Friends tell you to give up and move on...you nod to them while vigorously saying no in your mind. You try playing the eternal optimist telling yourself that this is just a phase and things will be back to normal very soon. but that never happens. You fear calling him but still hoping that he misses you just as much as you miss him each day. You wonder how long should you wait till you make that call? A week? Two weeks? You want to desperately call him and talk nothing but the stupidest of things like you used to. Crib about your job. Complain about your mother. Tell him how much you missed his stupidest jokes...and "oh-shit-I-totally-forgot I got nominated for the 'Best Salesperson of the Quarter' Award but didn't win. they gave it to some bimbette from Delhi office" You want to share the latest gossip on common friends..and gloat on how you did some completely unnecessary shopping last weekend. And you want to ramble on and on...and hear him smile on the other end of the phone. And then stop. Coz now it's supposed to be his turn to ramble and yours to smile across the phone.

Just that there is no phone call. coz he doesn't want to listen. He tells you after 4 years that he is tired of the talks. And he thinks that this isn't gonna work out and it's best to discontinue this. Discontinue?? Like a library membership? This is supposed to be a relationship you know..it is tough and you have to make it work. Nobody promised a cake-walk and you have to make a few compromises. But then how do you reply to a 'I don't see a future for us...' ? Leave alone replying, how does one face this statement?

Worse still...how does one pick up the pieces and face the world? How does one tell oneself that your favourite dream is shattered? You pretend you are okay. But you are not okay. You want to ask a million questions which can be quite simply put as 'It's not okay, you know. I thought we had a plan.And it wasn't that difficult a plan - I am with you, you are with me, right till eternity. Now, which part did you find so hard to get?'

Slowly the shock and temper subsides... and an enormous amount of guilt takes over. You blame yourself for everything. you run flashbacks of last 4 years..every phone call, every single date...and analyse what might have gone wrong. And you rest only after you have found a few million faults in you. Self-worth be damned!

And one find day just like today...you simply let him go. You cry your heart out. Blog about it for a remembrance sake and then you tell yourself that Enough is Enough!! All smses deleted and his number wiped out from the cellphone (not that it's gonna help) you wish your memory was just like your Nokia E71's. Suddenly a thought -  'Omg! This is soo 'Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind!! ' And you smile for the first time at your own silly joke :)  

You think of him in a different light now...I could never stay mad at him for too long. 'Bless you dear in your new journey. Wish you a world of happiness. Yes, it kills me to not be part of that world with you..but then :|' It still hurts...but ranting it out helps. Blogs are purgatives for emotions. Thank you for listening. I think I will be ok :) 

A turn in the road.

One more bites dust. I fell for the trap and would succumb to the corporate life. Congrats to me! The offer rescued me from an even crazier jamboree called Placement week. You know the one, when we all dress the same, walk the same, talk the same and yet trying to ‘differentiate’ and sell ourselves? So have I finally arrived in life? Shete says I need some ‘self realisation’. My brain registers a big ‘’Huh?!’ but then again the man greets me with a ‘Aye marr na’ instead of ‘Hi!’ So I won’t pay much attention to him.

I need some time and space - may be a trip to Bhutan. But joining date is less than a month away. So here I go, compromising from the word go. The wish-list is made and it sits pinned to my notice board till the pay day. My first one it would be. But the future is dark.

No more bunking classes.
No more leisurely breakfasts.
No more walking it in the middle of classes.
No more late night walks.

I don’t know if I learnt much here. Definitely not much when I was doing the above things. But those were the best of times. A rewind please? Somehow going ahead is going to be painful.

The New Yahoo! - What do Y!ou think?

On 5^th October 2009, 4 major daily newspapers of the country – TheT imes of India, HT, Mint and DNA greeted us with a full page bright yellow jacket advertisement saying, ‘The Internet is under new management. Yours.’ Prime time slots on all major as well as niche television channels like Discovery, NatGeo played the Yahoo! Anthem – a minute long advertisement focused on the international spirit and interactivity of Yahoo!

Earlier this month, horizontal portal giant Yahoo! launched a global branding campaign ‘It’s Y!ou’ focusing on the user now being in charge of his internet experience through Yahoo! Personalization of homepage and other products are the ways in which Yahoo! wishes to offer superior web experience to its users. Costing them a little over $100 million, the campaign is seen as a long term transformation for Yahoo! who wishes to be at the centre of all internet-based activities for the users.

This brings out several interesting issues for discussion:

1. Conventional media – still alive and kickin’– It is interesting to see an Internet company leveraging conventional media – Print, television, radio to drive people to its website.

2. ‘Product innovation precedes the branding campaign’, so claims Yahoo! Yes, there have been several up gradations and add-ons, and the collaboration with Microsoft for the search engine Bing has been a huge step. The Homepage too has undergone a makeover, looking much sleeker, cleaner and appealing. The biggest feature that the Homepage now offers is the personalisation of content that one wishes to see on his/her homepage. There are also similar features in the other core products like mail, messenger and search (through choice of filters). But is personalization of content such a breakthrough innovation that it justifies a budget of $100 million? More so, can an entire branding strategy be based on this development in the product? In the past, iGoogle has offered similar options without so much as a ruffle.

3. Horizontal vs. Vertical portals – where are we heading?

In an age where digital immigrants are fast turning into digital natives, we all wish to become ‘specialists in information’ rather than being simply ‘well-informed’. Similarly, we tend to rely more on vertical portals for the depth and variety of content that they offer. For an avid internet user, a horizontal portal is increasingly being seen as a platform for the internet noobs to start off from. So the moot point is as the consumer preferences change as one becomes more adept with the internet, does a horizontal portal still offer us a reason to stick around? And more importantly can Yahoo! do that?

4. ‘Centre of peoples’ online lives’ is the positioning Yahoo! intends to achieve. But in current times where every digital native has 4 or more social networking ids (Orkut, Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn) not to mention multiple mail accounts and other personal favourite websites can one website become the centre of users’ online lives? Interestingly, even Google seems to be in the race for this coveted position. It would be exciting to watch if Yahoo! can match up to the expectations it has set for itself.

In recent times, Yahoo! has undergone a plethora of changes both in its management as well as product portfolio. Streamlining of products, identifying and communicating the role of Yahoo! in cyberspace are a few tasks carried out by the feisty CEO Carol Bartz after coming on board. Agreed, that the company has had its share of tumultuous phases and even more may come, but one would be foolish to discount Yahoo! as it gears up for the challenge of becoming the centre of people’s online lives. Not to mention, Yahoo! sites are after all, the third most visited websites on the planet!*

*Source: June 2009, comScore

Information you can live without.

I hate this transitory phase. I am at home currently but would return to my b-school in a week's time. Half of my clothes lie in the laundry bag, a few in the cupboard - all neatly washed n ironed while a few peep out of suitcase. Half of my stuff is still back there in my other home - that lovely hostel room back in MICA...and in all this I feel halved..incomplete..somewhat hanging in between 2 places..neither here nor there. I mean..my post-its are there and important stuff to write about here! My silver earrings here and the matching bangles back there :( I wish I was all in one place..me and my belongings. I feel so incomplete without them..no, not just the clothes, books, jewellery and stationery..but my life! I am not liking this duality - I miss my mirror, my marker pens and my cupboard door full of post-its. I miss evening walks around the campus, the after-dinner walks and that liesurely breakfast full of news and gossips.

I am increasingly irked by my behaviour. I plan a lot, decide on a few but eventually end up doing almost nothing. What else can explain 85 unfinished drafts of blog-posts? Make that 86 - if I give up finishing this one too.

Mindless social networking. Those stupid stupid FB quizzes..going back to them after a few hours to see if any other equally lame homo sapien has bothered 'liking' or commenting. How shallow am I gonna get?

Its been ages since I wrote a poem. A long time since I read a good book..Ok, the last one was 2 weeks back. But 2 weeks of utter joblessness?? Adding the same set of people as friends on Orkut, Facebook, LinkedIn..followed by scraps of 'Wassup? How u doing?' to the same people I didnt even bother talking to back in school or college. Aargh! I seriously dont need this form of active social life.

Thankfully the offline social life is not that pathetic. But yeah, my parents have become increasingly intolerant of my erratic biolgical clock. I am my most active self when they are asleep and just vegetate around the house during the day. Cant blame them but then its too difficult to adopt normalcy now, that too for a few days.

Gastronomically speaking (no updates are complete without this) it has been a blessed holiday so far. Sabudana wadas, khichdi and other such holiday-items are ticked off in the list. The long lost love for cooking was rekindled and I realised once again why MBA was such a bad idea.

Here is the list of what I cooked this week:

1. Vegetable Pulav
2. Jeera rice
   
3. Baingan ka bharta
4. Chocolate brownie
5. Vegetable momos
6. Gobi ke pakode
   
7. Onion-Potato-Chilli Bhajji
8. Pasta in tomato sauce
9. Maggi (some 4 times in one week)
   
10. French toasts (had them after almost 2 years!)

Cooking is sucha stress-buster. So is cleaning the cupboard. De-cluttering is good. Clears the mind. Just what I need right now. But cant :(( Who cooks at 2 am? nd who will eat?? as for cleaning the cupboard...damn! the cupboard here is almost empty :( So here I go..back to my cribbing session. Missing good things in life..getting bored of boredom and lacking motivation to break this vicious cycle.

What a waste I am!

Yo MICA Yo!!

So I hit the 'publish' button on the previous post, switched off the laptop and crashed on to my bed some 5 minutes back and then I remembered!! Of course I could not sleep knowing that I had forgotten to update my loyal fan base of 10 about one of the most historic events of all times!

MICA THRASHED IIM AHMEDABAD AT FOOTBALL (2-1)

Yay!! Remember you read this here first! Though we have already seen to it that tomorrow's DNA or Ahmedabad Mirror will carry a dramatic, 'will-make-you-sit-at-the-edge-of-your-seat' half-page story on the same. (Go Team Interface! ;))

Aah! First match of the season and the boys have already made me proud.

P.S: MICANs/ IIM A junta - kindly ignore the fact that we didn't win a single match last season cause as darling Celine Dion croons 'A new term has cometh!' :)

All I remember is 'Addhi haddi di nangi chudail!' :D

Its 3 am and this is when I am my widest awake.

• I won 3 baddy matches today!Yay! No the opposite team wasn't a limbu-timbu. It's just that my partner was, you know, good :)
  
• My MICARE (On-campus, students-run provision store) bill was only Rs.53 and I actually felt bad that I didn't contribute much so had two Maaza to alleviate the guilt. With a 30% sudden spike it now stands at Rs. 69 :|
  
• A case-study writing competition on which I had worked with a bunch of junees declared its result today. We didn't make it. Not because we weren't good enough but because the guy heading the competition decided to shelve our case topic on his own whim and fancy!! I mean ya, WTF!!
• Viraj was slightly mad at me for not doing things that I had promised him some time back (3 weeks back :| He sombrely reminds). I gave him a dozen excuses and prayed he will understand :D No wonder he calls me 'nalayak' :(
  
• It's Garba time in Gujjuland!! And do you know what am I doing tonight? Sitting on my bed typing out this silly post which no one except my great grand child will one day read! Hmph!
  
• Ok, let's try once again..it's Garba time in Gujjuland!! And do you know what I had for dinner? White, bland, oily rubber balls that also go around by the name Sabudana wada!! A culinary rape, to say the least. Grr..
• Ok, for the last time..it's Garba time in Gujjuland!! 'Abe stop yelling and start that Retail wala assignment due day after' ' Are you done transcripting the FGDs? chal insights likhne baith' 'Kya hua? insights nahi mile? Toh findings likh aur insights bolke thok de :P' ' Media laws & Ethics ka assignment hua?' "Fir SCM kaun uncle karega?'
  
• Sigh! So even though it's Garba time in Gujjuland..(dil pe dagad rakhke) Do I look like I care? :(
  
• Oh how could I forget? (actually one must try to.. but harrowing memories!) Yesterday a bunch of us frustrated souls went for a late night show of 'Dil Bole Hadippa!' Well let me just say - the company was good, the ambience was good and I am still wondering why the heck was Sherlyn Chopra wearing a muffler over a bikini top and hot pants? Rani - get married, have kids! It's high time. Shahid - Don't get married, you are totally drool-worthy right now.
  

Exam's in 3 days..no wait, 2 days :0
And home* in 6 days!! :)

*Home - place where Sabudana wadas are like Sabudana wadas.