Packing life in cartons..yet again!

Come this weekend and life as I know shall never be the same again.

In a few days I move into a one BHK apartment [rented ofcourse] and for the first time after moving to the new city almost 1.5 years ago, I shall be truly independent. Sharing a place with flat-mates was fun...more like a hostel with a canteen attached for a midnight maggi session where you never feel the burden of responsibilities.

However, renting a place all by oneself seems like a big deal. Rent, maintenance, maid, electricity, gas, cable, internet - just a few deductibles one needs to remember each month. Simply to survive! I already shudder at the thought of having to keep the laundry bag empty and the fridge full at all times [probability of the reverse is always higher]. I already need to buy stuff like bed, cupboard, TV, refrigerator and a gas stove. yeah, did I mention the apartment is unfurnished? But I kind of like it that way. It's better to have no furniture than being stuck with the bad one.

So let me describe you my cute little place. It's got an L shaped drawing room, a perfect square of a bedroom, a washroom that's just the right size, a narrow rectangular kitchenette and a lovely balcony that runs along the bedroom and kitchen space. That's it...All mine! :)

Oh! Did I mention it's on the sixth floor and gets some seriously lovely breeze in the evening? 

Curtains, carpets, cushions...all in the colour scheme!! The mind is already drawing endless shopping lists. Want to buy a fridge? 165 or 220 litres? Single/double door? Frost/de-frost? Which brand? Which model? What guarantee? Phew!! So many decisions...and I haven't even come to the colours yet!

Whatever said and done...I know I await this experience. I feel almost ready jumping into this role of being super-independent. From where I am looking, it seems pretty well-timed and well-transitioned. But one can never be too sure, right?  

Packing my life, yet again, in bags & cartons, I can't help but feel like a nomad, who is just a bit too eager to make every place her own. 

Wish me luck,

Cheers.

A love like that...[II]

She was such a goon growing up. Beat many a boys in her school corridor. Once, she even slapped a senior on the school-bus back home [In her defense, he was sitting in HER seat!] She loved to argue and considered herself quite good at verbal duels. 

Times changed. She didn't. Soon she was in college. Her long tresses cut short. Boy-cut was what they called it. Collared half-sleeved shirts and a ragged pair of jeans. And the boy-cut. Almost a boy, you see. Strangely enough, she now made great friends with the guys. They no longer feared her. She was one of them. She laughed at their jokes about other girls and even added her own witty one-liners. They came to her on days of journal submission. They rallied around campaigning for her during college elections. and as weird as it may sound - they cared for her - like a buddy, in a brotherly sort of way - the girl, with the boy-cut.

Times changed again [how irritating is that!] And yet again, she didn't. There she was working in the corporate world. Cut-throat competition. Who knew being a bully at school would come to so much use later in life! She loved the aggression. The dominant streak that gets passed off as leadership qualities. And once again she became the 'man on the team'. Gym buddy. Smoke buddy. Booze buddy. They ranted about their girlfriends, she listened. They raved about their trophy wives and she listened. She smiled. She understood - something that always surprised the guys.

Times changed quickly thereafter. Her long tresses grew back. Her dark eyes shone when she laughed. She was suddenly noticeable. Second and third glances [and accompanied male attention] became a part of her life. A girl friend gifted a kaajal pencil and insisted she try on some. That day she became aware of the magic of kohl eyes. People seemed nicer, friendlier and worse, no one wanted to fight with her any more. No more verbal duels. No intelligent [or even lame] arguments.

And one day, she met him. He was smart and funny. Sensible with questionable sensitivity. But there was a spark between the two. He wasn't at his best behaviour with her. He didn't think twice before saying things on his mind. He didn't even offer her the last piece of the pastry..instead eyed hers hungrily. He didn't open doors or pull chairs for her. And he never, ever carried her laptop that she chugged around everywhere. He just walked beside hers, hands in pocket. Sometimes slowing down a step or two to match her speed. He didn't ask her how the day went by. He probably read it on her face. And he always, always started the conversation with the lamest of his jokes.

Times changed yet again. Thankfully, they both didn't. They still walk side by side, carrying their own baggage. No favours on each other. And yet they know when the other is tired. He still doesn't treat her 'like a lady'. But she knows he is the one coz he treats her the way she always wanted to be treated - a girl with a boy-cut.

A love like that [I] here

“Some days even my lucky rocketship underpants won't help.” - Calvin

Ever had your computer hang when you try to open too many browsers or tabs? That obviously has been due to too much of an overload for the poor machine. [Ok geeks - do not get technical on me and explain how a computer actually hangs]. 

The human mind [at least mine] acts in a much similar fashion. Too many emotions sends it into a temporary numb state and one either needs to sleep it off or shake it like crazy to shut-off and re-start.

This week me and my people went through the shock and grief a colleague-friend's sudden death. The experience was traumatic for many of us. But personally, nothing was more mind-numbing than watching my friend's funeral [the traditional Hindu way]. Yes, I stood there...by her pyre. Watched her cold body go to flames. It felt unreal. Like a movie scene. Yet very raw. In the face. Standing less than10 feet away. The priest chanting the shlokas, the old uncle shaking from head to toe crying his guts out and the cousin holding onto to the uncle from collapsing. And as surreal as it may seem the person who laid down on the pyre was the same person you had your lunch with and went to gym together the earlier day! 

Never before did the fragility of this life seem more blatant. It was in my face. Like a 'Take That!' moment. I know several colleagues who revisited their insurance plans in the past 2 days. After all the friend we lost was supposed to have her new car delivered the same morning she had the fateful accident! Take that! Like death seemed to say to us optimists. Uncertain? Yes. Cruel? Oh yes.

And yet, like the sickening proverbial 'Show must go on.." we were back in our office formals the next day. Meetings lined up, sales figures drawn, excel sheets opened and made love with. The days were tactfully spent pushing back the thoughts of the lost one so as to have a productive working day. But its really hard to gulp down the lunch with an empty chair at the table.

Push away a thought. Pull back a memory. Linger on. Revisit good old times. Feel like a punch in the tummy. Shun that thought. Open a blank ppt. Forget what to type. Suddenly remember the last joke we cracked. Smile to self. Oh, will you concentrate on the ppt here? Just a thought. Now whom will I go to the gym with? Wonder a little. Scold self for the selfishness. All tugging of thoughts...and the mind seriously calling it a day.

You wish to cry but crying becomes an action/ function of a well identified emotion like grief or sadness and when numbness takes over, all emotions get jumbled into a big fuzz ball that the mind is better off not dealing with for the time being.

And then some time later, much later, after you have slept over the numbness a couple of times and the pain becomes more jaded and less sharper and you are just having a random conversation on a very different topic, something in you tells you it's time. To shed those tears that have been waiting for too long.You find yourself weeping mid-sentence and getting it out of your system. And indeed, good cry later you feel emotionally lighter.

You call an old friend you have been meaning to call for ages but hadn't. You talk to mom and dad (actually making 2 separate calls on their individual mobile phones.) Look up the calendar and plan a trip home. Hug someone. Eat an icecream. Cook some pasta. Sing aloud while doing so. Read some funny blogs and visit, re-visit and keep visiting here & here. And then you blog a little on this tiny blog of yours, post a post with Calvin & Hobbes title. Not because you want people to read you right away. But if you aren't there anymore some day...you don't want them to forget you.

Rest In Peace Dear Friend

20^th Feb, 2012 began like any other Monday morning. The reluctance to get out of the bed followed by getting ready while making a mental check-list of things to be done at work.

Little did we know it wasn’t just a regular every-day morning.

The news was told as soon as one stepped into the office. And that was it. Sealed with a grim confirmation. No space for doubts. Or even hope. She was gone. Just like that.

How do you say goodbye to a friend who leaves you suddenly?

How do you express that sharp sudden stab of shock, pain, horror and then grief and sadness? How do you deal with the sudden vacuum left behind?

The brain is a wonderful thing I tell you…the minute I heard the news, it went on a blank mode. I didn’t feel any pain or sadness. I even went thinking – What a lousy prank is this! She would come marching up to my seat any moment now and laugh out loud at this sick prank. The brain still thinks that’s precisely what’s going to happen.

The first time we met – she told me she hated MICAns. Can you believe her guts? And yet, she went on to become a good friend of mine. There must be something about her.

The first time I went to her place…she made me clean her house and do chores!!  [Of course, this is my version of the story! She claimed much khatirdaari!] and yet, I waited to be invited over again. There must be something about her.

She was more absent than present in the office. A hands-on field-work pro, was she; passionate about her brands and a fighter/striver to no end. We didn’t see each other for months at end. But whenever she was back, we made sure to grab our cups of coffee and warm that black couch for hours together.

We sailed the same boat. Our brand woes brought us together. We cribbed in unison. We laughed, we gossiped together. When one complained of a useless agency work, the other nodded with understanding. The lunches that extended up to an hour and the gym sessions that never quite managed to make it to one hour mark. Time spent together was time well cherished.   

There was a distinct streak of good spirit in her. I wish I could tell you what a fighter she was, in her personal and professional life. Stood by what she believed to be right. Firm and strong. And yet, she wasn’t all grown up with grown-up issues. She was a kid at heart. A devil, if you ask me. (Probably the reason why we got along so well!) She was naughty, dramatic and a certified ‘laugh out loud’-er.

How I wish I could tell myself and everyone else around that you are in a better place now. But I refuse to accept that!  You were happy here and would have never ever wanted to leave this place for a really long, long time!!  Can’t stop wondering why this had to happen.

To all those coffees that would never happen

To the black couch that would never heard your booming laughter again

To office gossips that would never be the same again

To lunches that will never stretch too long

To the office gym where I won’t see you again

To all those moments where we will now sigh and say, wish you were here now…

Will miss you my dear friend.

2011: You were a darling!

The thing about naming your last post as 'Not the Year-end Post' is that it comes and bites you in the rear when only 25 minutes just before the Year End you are actually compelled to write one.

2011:
The Year of Challenges. Welcoming Change. Embracing it.Infact, embracing it so tightly and refusing to let go that change became me.

From Mumbai to Hyderbad
From Account Manager to Brand Manager
From Online Marketing to Pharma Marketing

From holding-on-for-too-long to letting-go
From 'mom-wheres-my-blue-shirt' to drawing and doing my own laundry lists
From lazy interdependence to embarrassing self-reliance

From Queen's necklace in Mumbai to Queen's Crown in London

Cheers to you 2011 for the AWESOMENESS that you have been.
And you, 2012, better match up!!

Wishing for a healthy, happy and divine New Year!
PEACE.

Not the Year-end Post.

Lots of questions on my mind. 

Batch-mates getting married, some buying their own houses. Some having babies. Babies!!

Much collective growing up seems to have happened rather very quickly in last few months.

The parents seem to be asking - when do you want to take the leap? A leap without someone I trust, believe in, depend on for life? ...seems a bit too silly to me, right now.

Work still involves learning. Studying. Applying. So it's still fun. At least for now.

And predictably enough, personal life is non-existent. One does spend on mall visits and multiplexes religiously but no new books/hobbies/personal projects lately.

Staying by oneself in a new city has been a big growing up experience.

Learned the big 'A' word. Adjustments. Add to that Responsibility. Planning. Blame-self-not-mom-when-things-go-wrong.

Lessons 101:

• Vegetables do not miraculously appear in the refrigerator every week
• There is a reason people cook at home. Simple Maths. Aloo = Rs. 12/kg; Aloo ki sabzi at local reastaurant = Rs.120/250 gms.
• Electricity gets cut off when bill stays unpaid for 3 months. More importantly, it isn't actually cut off but switched off from the meter-box downstairs. Can be re-started by pleading to watchman uncle. Gets really cut off if said bill stays unpaid for one more week.
• Maggi shall always be Celebratory food, Comfort food and Survival food.
• Be nice to neighbors. Especially those who make chicken curries on sundays.

 Experience is indeed a great teacher. But others experience is a smarter teacher. So do share tips/learnings/crash-courses on staying alone, staying alive.

Till then...

While waiting for bum ke neeche aag lagna...

Post start time: 1:40 am

I have never quite talked much about my every day life here, those mundane days when things follow their boring well-set patterns and nothing is overtly emotional or outburst-y. For me, somehow this blog has always been a place to pour out emotions and sadly normalcy never found a place here. But you know what? Mundane is good. Coz mundane is what makes 99.5% of our lives and we better learn to make peace with it. 

There is a lot happening currently in terms of lifestyle changes in one's life....the kind that sounds an alarm bell once one reaches the quarter-life. In simple terms, the gym happened. A best friend from schooldays and a MICAn senior on the very same day (eerie na!) extolled the virtues of "weight-loss = looking awesome + feeling awesome + getting attention from boyz" so much that one was convinced beyond doubt that thou shalt live without having a life, but thou shalt not miss gymming.

And so has begun 'The 40 Day Challenge'. 40 days and nights of healthy living. 40 days of working out in the gym, having healthy breakfast every morning, eating fruits everyday and only home/self-cooked food for dinner. (Oh God! Please don't let this jinx it...now that I have gone and  announced to the entire world readership of 22.) "Now why 40 days?" you would ask, dear reader..so here it is. The challenge will end with a celebration of much awesomeness (since weight-loss = looking awesome + feeling awesome + getting attention from boyz) along with one's birthday!!

So every day, these days, I walk down my lane for like 40 seconds, proudly carrying 2 bags - one chugging along the laptop and the other -  the gym wear, cross the road and enter the office building (Ok. This statement was sheepishly added to tell the world that I stay 1 min away from office. Which. Is. A. Big. Deal. Ask any Mumbaikar). 

Now office gym gets limited "hunk footfalls". (Actually Hunks: Non-female ratio is pretty bleak in my office - but one tries to work around the situation). But then it was identified that hunk footfalls is a critical success factor in the successful execution of 'The 40 Day Challenge'. One needs this for  constant motiovation and more so in the case when the one's body shows the tendency of shedding not more than 5 gms/day and hence any self-motivation is a goner. So, after a few days of careful data analysis, it was derived that hunk footfalls are highest in the evening hours coupled with excellent timing of good TV shows (one shamefully does not own a TV and has to do by watching cricket matches of critical importance - including the World Cup Final at neighbour's place). After much calculations of the day's work-loads, work hours and gym timings of the said hunks, one tries to strategically coincide one's timings (while appearing to be highly casual about it) just so one can blissfully huff-puff-sweat on the very next treadmill while the said hunks can throw deplorable sighs at ones measly running speeds. Such is life and all that!

Oh btw, 2 new mckinsey guys, consulting a team whose performance was going down the drain (and more so after paying hourly charges to the said guys) are seen frolicking around in my office these days with an air of well - "consultants". Difficult to probably define. But yeah, once you see it..you get it. And what is with their diet coke consumption? As if they have signed a bond while taking up the job - 'Thou shalt replace all body fluids with Diet Coke with immediate effect'.

Any way, on the work front November was Sweet! :D

My brands (my babies actually) did much better than before (2 of them, with all modesty, did brilliantly!) and my team did fabulous. And so here I am staying up late in the night, pretending to work on a ppt for a v. v. imp meeting tomorrow while munching on Kellogg's Special K cornflakes like a chivda (and an expensive one at that!) 

And that is all that has been happening in my life for the past few days. 

Hoping to keep up with 'The 40 Day Challenge' - shall keep updating about it.

And now I shall return to my ppt that's been shouting out for attention since some time as the proverbial 'bum ke neeche aag' finally lag gayi hai.

Post end time: 2:30 am

Dear readership of 21,

Silly how I cannot bring myself to write in spite of great many things to write about. The Opposite of Writers' Block - something like a Bottle Neck.

Anyhow. There are stories and stories and stories I wish I could pour out on this blog right now. Let me start off making a list of things to clear some of my cerebral clutter.

1. My oh-so-awesome Europe Trip...ok, UK trip...but Scotland, Ireland & London man!!
2. Latest obsession - Pygmalion & other works of George Bernard Shaw (He is half Irish, half British...no points in guessing my UK trip hangover is far from being over)
3. My first impressions of the Rosogulla land  - Kolkata. Oh! and how I stayed at the country's first Floating hotel aptly named Floatel on Babughat opposite the marvelous and majestic SBI HQ office and a mere hop-skip-jump from Eden Gardens Stadium!!
4. Staying alone...Staying alive.. in Biryani land - Hyderabad
5. And finally since my work involves some bit of traveling, I am contemplating writing my own version of 'The Terminal" (Desi Tom Hanks anyone? Feel free to contact me :P)  

And so deadlines and hectic schedules be damned. Here I am..making a start all over again to make peace with my blogging alter-ego so as not to piss her off and shoo her away for months at end like last time.

Its nearly office time...and I hate the fact that this post doesn't really have any purpose other than a quick 'hi, wassup world. me still alive, ok bye.'

So a post this is! And  I promise to update to my lovely audience of 21 followers and any other misguided random lurker...thou shalt blog regularly from this day onwards...till death and/or bad internet connection do us part.

Amen.

Asian Paints Ad...Ver Rutuja1.0

Kabhi aisa ho jaye ki hum office hi na jaye..
ghar baithe hi anokhi ek picnic manaye

khidkiyon se kare baate, pooche hawaaon ka haal-chaal..
"kya chahiye rangeen parde?" unse hum karein sawaal

kitchen ke bartanon se bhi aaj ho jaye baatein do-char..
cheeni ki meethi chhuri aur achar ki tej-khatti dhaar

tapakte hue nal ke aaj aasoon poch le..
geyser ki garma-garmi se bhi sulaah kara de

bedroom ka aaina kitni baar bulaye..
aaj phursat se usme apni parchhayee taak le

jab arse se balcony ke paudhe sirf hari pattiyan ugaaye..
tab toh phulon ki gowd bharai ki aaj maang kii jaye

darwaza chup chap jab door khada reh jaaye..
aaj uski bhi dosti deewaron se kii jaye

ek hasi aaj is ghar me bhi baaton..
kabhi is ghar ko waqt aur pyaar se sawaron

kuch na keh kar bhi ghar bahot kuch kehta hai
har ghar yeh kehta hai...andar isme mera apna rehta hai!