It's amusing to watch long lost relatives gush over you with 'Oh, you are so grown up now!' not realizing that one does grow up in a decade's time. There is this aunt of mine whom I have met only thrice in life - once on my naming ceremony (mom tells me that she named me!!), then once at her daughter's wedding where I was dragged to, much against my wishes as my mother didn't want to cook for just one person and then finally at my brother's engagement last week.
This aunt almost had tears in her eyes to watch me prance around in a sari that day when the only two other memories of her about me must have been
1. me in a pram waiting to be named with some rather good name (Don't ask..I should probably sue her for naming me this name)
2. me in some pink frilly frock (the fairy frock, it used to be called) looking hungrily at the buffet.
But then you realise that memories are not always for the experiences one witnessed. They are stories we heard or talk about which some how got stuck to our minds. I am quite unsure about how to react to these situations. Do you greet back with the same enthusiasm which you know is going to be quite a feat for you to achieve because honestly you never remembered that person in the last 10 years? or do you simply acknowledge their emotions smilingly, knowing that you are not quite the same person they remember you to be..but it's ok to let things be? Somehow the latter seems alright.
Talking of memories, it is sad to see some older relatives struggling with names and identities especially when hit with too much information. I remember meeting one of my grandma's brothers at a function 2 years back. My dad is one of his favourite nephews and the love got passed on to me by default. Memories of my childhood when we used to visit his place and stories of my grandma as a naughty kid, came flooding in. But the confused look on his face was heart-wrenching. I could see him struggle with his mind trying to match names with faces. Even sadder was to see his eyes brimming with guilt when he said, 'I am sorry but I couldn't recognize you.' How do you deal with that? 'Anna, mi shamachi mulgi' (Grandpa, I am Sham's daughter). Thankfully, 'shama's' name rung a bell. 'Oh, you are that car winner!!' (Refer this) Yes! That's how my grandfather finally remembered me. It's funny and sad at the same time. Such is life!!
Talking of engagements, my silly self realized that wearing a sari at family functions can be quite hazardous to health. Even more hazardous when you are the only sister to a gang of guys with none having mastered the art of subtlety. There was sneering, sniggering, laughing behind backs and laughing out loud involved. There was also some fuming, cursing under the breathe, cursing out loud and warning that one would walk out and rather attend the birthday party on 2nd floor of the reception hall involved. But of course, brothers being brothers, one eventually learns to ignore them after 24 years of existence and so my pretty self stayed on. Other more mature and older set of relatives were pleasantly surprised. And that's when things began to run downhill. Collective opinions about my marriageable age were met with collective nods just when I was grabbing a hot puri. By the time I was pouring chocolate sauce over vanilla ice-cream, my wedding menu was almost being finalised!! But then my mom-dad being completely aware of their first-born's mental age much calamities were averted.
So its decided!! I am wearing a pair of baggy jeans and some old T-shirt for bhai's shaadi. Even if it makes me look like one of those crooks who gatecrash weddings for fun and free food. How 3 idiot-ish, no? ;)
I know how it feels when u meet people after decades. On top of tht, if I am with my bro, there is hell lot of confusion in the older lot abt who is who!!!
ReplyDeleteI was a slow growing child, so trust me, it hurts not to hear the old ones say "You've grown so much" or to actually hear them say "You've grown so much horizontally".
ReplyDeleteI always love your posts, even the one's I cannot relate to at all (because I don't know you in person). You're a gifted writer who can convey what she feels with such simplicity that it reminds me of my mom's varan bhaat (btw thats a compliment - my mom makes the most amazing varan bhaat in my opinion (among other things she makes well :D ))
ReplyDeleteBut anyway, going back to long not-so-forgotten aunt's - I have tonnes of them who pop up every now and then. I faced the same problem you did, how do you respond to their enthusiasm?
So in a bout of desperation or inspiration - whatever works - one fine day being bored of not being able to relate to them, I barged into a family function where all the old folks were together. In a conversation about family history, I deliberately directed them to talk about who's who (finally) in the family. I got a paper, a pen and drew a lambaa waala family tree. It helped a lot since now I could easily relate to who they are, and where they were all this time. As for the enthusiasm, well it helped me to picture myself being a long lost uncle after a couple of more decades. So I make it a point (now) to try to know each of my nephews and nieces (I have tonnes of them scattered all over the world). Its fun to getting to know the people who share some small % of our gene pool and are in some tiny way - just like us.
i am not into reading personal blogs let alone posting comments. But i was much amused by the line -
ReplyDelete"..where I was dragged to, much against my wishes as my mother didn't want to cook for just one person..". Can absolutely relate to it. Nice writing style btw