Life etc..

I admire bloggers. I think it takes a certain amount of courage to open up your life and heart infront of perfect strangers and more so, your friends. I always thought of myself as a very open and frank person. Frank to the point of being brash. I took pride in always being honest with one and all, even if it meant hurting them a little. I don't know why but I had this immense confidence in all my relations, especially my friends, that they would never ever stay mad at me for too long. I thought I was being a true friend by blurting out all the biting, harsh realities. 'Sure, I may be the bad guy now..but they would soon the light in my argument.' Well, the big news is I was wrong. May be I hurt them a bit too much. Damage beyond repair. I still haven't given up hopes on them. But I know its never going to be the same again. So much for me and my confidence. :|

I always knew people change with time. Just never imagined that 'those people' would ever include yours truly too. Atleast not so soon. Its been only a few months here at MICA and I already find myself unrecognisable some times. The way I react to situations sometimes, I leave myself appalled. Not that this change is bad, but it feels all too 'grown-up'. Wasn't I the one who used to happily say, "Option la taklay! " when someone remarked, "Growing old is mandatory, growing up is optional." Why am I behaving all so matured these days? Yeah, it is the need of the hour, but it seems all too forced. All too wrong. I smile more but laugh less. I am nice but no longer naughty. I may get edgy at times, but never wild. I miss that kid in me. I miss me. :|

Mathew Mania!!

Shit man!!! Where was I all this time?? Mathew's classes have shaken the last of the ounces of 'been-there-done-that' and mercilessly shredded it to pieces.
Notions are proved wrong, opinions are mauled and views are doubted.
At the same time however, new ideas are planted..albeit on the grounds of uncertainty.
Take nothing at face value. Probe it, question it...look out for the 'other' side.
Hell!! even the concept of 'other' side is outrageously political for this guy!!
He appalls us..leaves us astounded, demeans us in his refined style of sarcasm while we stupidly yearn for more.He gives a whole new meaning to this most 'taken-for-granted' word called 'LIFE'.

Last page scribblings..

her teddy in the night
her patience in a fight
in ignorance, her insight
in darkness, her light
in weakness, her might
in wrong, her right

The lady on the stairs..

She stood there shaking. Tried hard not to..but couldn't help it. A pale coloured sari which may have been of a brighter shade once upon a time... it was as crumpled as her skin. Her blouse was torn at the shoulder..but alas it made no fashion statement. Her straight, white hair contrasted against her tanned, wrinkled face. Long ear-lobes with widened holes...a mocking reminder of heavy gold earrings she once owned. Green coloured plastic bangles adorned her wizened hands..no sound they made when they clinked against each other. She needed a stick for support..but that would cost her a month's meals...holding onto side-bars was cheaper. And chappals? She last owned a pair 4 years ago.
Amidst the crowds, she stood alone. In a land where madness drives peoples' lives, she strove for her sanity. Where rushing is second nature, she fought to stand still. Stairs of Platform 1, Western railways, Dadar station. Thats her permanent local address, until she's shooed by the railway police to some other desolate spot. Young collegians, middle aged office-goers hurried past her, but she knows it will take a kind-hearted lady or a god-fearing senior citizen to be her next meal-provider. till then she waits...killing herself and her dignity.
I wouldn't have spared a second thought for her. I couldn't. I shouldn't. How come I did?? Coz she looked a lot like my own grandma. But shamefully, thats all I did.

But he ain't that bad!!

I wait for the day, when I tell my dad.
I met someone special, a really nice lad.

So furious he might get, it will drive him mad.
Argue will I, "but he ain't that bad!!"

"His family, his job, what does he do?"
The questions will pour without much ado.

"Is it for sure? Will he stay true?
Is he what it means happiness to u?"

"A brave heart, a cute smile and a warm hug,"
"He is all that n more," I say with a smug.

"And a lil' promise of a together tomorrow,
Of an eternal journey through joy and sorrow."

Dad's heart would melt and eyes would well.
"She grew up so fast, and how the hell!!"

His eyes say it all, I know he's glad.
A smile on his face, I know he's sad.

"If thats what you want, he better be a nice lad"
"Dont worry Pops, he'll be the son you never had!"

If tomorrow never comes..

Books always stir some emotions within us...and I distinctly realised it this week when I finished reading 2 books which evoked exactly polar feeling within me...

Starting with the later one coz i just finished reading it some 10 minutes back.
Love Story by Eric Segal.
I know I needn't say much after that.( but they apparently forgot to teach me how to keep mum! :D). Aptly described as a book for anyone in love, was in love or hopes to be in love, I first read this one in 10th std..but what I feel right now comes nowhere close to what I felt back then. I was actually thinking of him while reading..recognising myself as the sarcastic 'Jennifer' n him as the competitive 'Oliver'. I know, I know...we all have this incorrigible habit of putting ourselves as heroines in chiffons/heroes in designer jackets romancing away in Switzerland!! And this is what this book exactly compels you to do!! Those verbal duels, that gaali-galoch (my most fave part) and lastly the tragic end...all endears you to 'Jen n Ollie'. Just when you think it's a 'happily ever after'...jenny dies! Just like that! No Hindi film melodrama! No financial crunch that she cant be treated..no prayers coz 'usse davaon ki nahi, duaon ki jarurat hai' crap..not even Oliver's amitabhseque confrontation with God saying,' maine aaj tak tumse kuch nahi manga..par aaj mangta hoon'!! And sadly there isn't even a coming back to life..a la miheer virani, which I was soo fervently hoping for. The book just got over. N that's what makes this story real. Tragedies happen in real life! Something totally unforeseen can strike any day...so cherish all that you have right now..loved ones, friends, family. Set things straight with them..a heavy heart can get a tad bit difficult to die with. As he once told me, 'Put it down. Don't carry the burden with you'. So true :-)
As for the book, 'Love Story' has a sequel named 'Oliver's Story' which I am yet to lay my hands upon..but I am no rush to read it. Jennifer-Oliver seem far too closer to me this moment and imagining Oliver with someone else wouldn't quite appeal to my conservative sentimentality. So this very moment, I just prefer to sit back n reminisce this tragic love story that nevertheless brought a smile to my face.

Its about me..

Hmm...a self-confessed and publicly-labelled tomboy, someone whose best friend describes her as, ' a total tomboy (refers to 'bai'lya muli (read :gurlie girls) as toxic)'..well that would be me.
But to think of it..there ought to be some reasons for this general presumption and off-hand i could come up with the following few..


1. adventure-freak..love outdoors, trekking, anything that gives me an adrenaline rush (no, do not wear designer jeans on treks, sit/squat on railway platforms n yes, do NOT carry mineral water along)

2. Love sports..(captain of class Kabaddi team, play cricket, volleyball, throwball, badminton and nething else where they do not ask me to stand at the boundry-line n cheer)

3. Carry my college bag on BOTH the shoulders.

4. Hate growing nails...in past 21 yrs must have applied nail-paint not more than 5 times!

5. Do not manicure/pedicure. ( wat?? they are clean already!)

6. Carry my own bags n baggage, chivalrous guys can take a hike!

7. Have more guy-friends than gals as close buddies.

8. Absolutely detest any sort of baby-talk in public!! (eeeuw...on second thoughts...make that eeeuw raised to 100)

9. Indulge in some major 'gaali-galoch' when around friends...my close friends being the most abused (verbally!!) ones.

Well there you are...my reasons why i got 'slotted'. Don’t really remember how and when this label came n got stuck to my personality, loved it initially..no, infact for many years until recently it dawned upon me that I don’t wanna get slotted. NO!! don’t mistaken this post as a tomboyish girl’s wake-up call to the myth that she wouldn’t receive enough attention from the opposite gender till she has a ‘Jassi-to-Jessica’ makeover. I am pretty happy with the attention I get ;) But its about having more to one’s personality than what a mere label of ‘tomboy’ could ever describe!!

My problem lies in the limitations that this word brings with itself..it cant/wont ever describe me completely...it kills my other 'talents', if i may haughtily say so..fails to describe my gurly aspirations and any conscious attempts i might have taken to achieve the proverbial 'multi-faceted' personality!!! Eight years of Bharatnatyam training, my passion for cooking...my sensitive side (i know my friends are ROFL now!! :D) do not fit into the expanse of this word.


I know one shouldnt really get affected by what others think of you. Easier said than done..it did n still does affect me..its jus one my glaring flaws which i will have to live with.

There you go!! i said it aloud..what i have been wanting to, for a really really long time!! n frankly to loads of people...starting with myself! Just another case of.."dikhave pe na jao, apni akal lagao" na?? :-)