Monday, January 31, 2011

Of gyri and sulci...

So I read this article today and couldn't help but wonder if life does come easy for a blessed few? While the rest of us toil hard to face our share of hits and misses?
Picture this: A poster boy for shtudness aced through his school life cracking all the Maths & Physics Olympiads on his way. He could name all the moons of Jupiter and recite the period table in a single breathe. Ok, may be he sucked at Social Sciences but then he had real brains, which did not require cramming of useless data like the year of Battle of Plassey or the gory details of Third Battle of Panipat.

And of course he had dreams. Big Dreams. Astrophysicist or Nuclear Scientist. Stanford, MIT and Carnegie meant something to him even at that tender age of 17. He went on to crack the
IIT Jee with a single digit AIR. Yes, the digit mattered. A LOT. Not to undermine his hard-work, he burnt midnight oil too..may be even went through short-lived phases of self-doubt and insecurities. But in the end that didn't matter coz he did make it Comp Science at IIT-B. Mom and dad couldn't be more happier and proud. He was the stuff that makes relatives hope their kids would turn into.

Fours years of
IIT was a breeze or may be not. But as the guy here says - I generally only study one day before the exam; it is a habit with all IIT engineers. He studied for a day..may be even went through the ordeal of giving a whole of TWO mock-cats and viola! IIM A was pounding at his door.

No, I am not jealous.
Ok, I am. Will this guy never get out of his Chronic Over-achiever Syndrome? Will reality never bite him? Where is struggle and that much talked about failure? Obviously he has managed to side-step this stepping stone to success and probably hopped, skipped and jumped on to the latter directly! Where is that depression after 12th? That phase of pain and helplessness to see mock-cat scores dipping and wondering if one will ever make it?

I do realize that such blessed men and women are quite a rarity. But where is the law of averages? Offers from
McKenzies of the world probably awaits His Highness on the Day Zero of placements while the meeker folks throw furlong glances singing 'sabse peeche hum khade' to the companies on campus.

This world is such a cruel place. The geek shall and do rule the world. Replace the brains with beauty and the same if utilized efficiently can be an excellent cutting edge tool for success. One cant help wonder if the working definition of all men are equal is "Well, Not really".

Yes, I feel pathetic for myself at this point of time. The fact that I know quite a few guys like this does not help the cause. No fights between
CTC and EMIs? These guys are so missing the fun! :| Sarcasm doesn't quite help alleviate this. But what the hell!

Sigh. I guess I am done hating people and the world in general, for the day.
If only one had enough
gyri and sulci - the gray matter that matters!

Wednesday, October 06, 2010

My very first...

haiku.

Have been wanting write haikus for a really really long time now. But like most other good things in life, I simply kept postponing the writing part and consequently regretting it. The vicious circle can be quite unfailingly endless and takes some serious effort in shaking off that inertia. But lo and behold, one does overcome the said inertia provided with just the right amount of time and that perfect mood.

So here it is... 

Dodging eyes
just a hint of guilt...
Strangers again.

P.S: Have been reading 'A web content strategist's bible' recently and if you landed here curious by the title name...I think the book is wonderful ;)  

Tuesday, September 28, 2010

25 under 25

So my 25th birthday is around 100 days away (103 to be precise) and hence I thought of coming up with a short-term bucket-list of sorts. A list of things I wish to do before my 25th birthday. As a friend pointed out that if I haven't done something for last 24.75 years there is little that I can achieve in these hundred days. But being the eternal optimist that I am, combined with a chronic list-maker, here goes the list I wish to strike off before 9th of January 2011.

Disclaimer: This is not an original idea...there are many such lists doing rounds currently. Ofcourse, these guys just thought of it a lil' before I did. Also considering the tight schedules of the Sherpas during this time of the year, Climbing the Mt. Everest has been kept off the list.

So without much ado, here's presenting THE LIST (drum-rolls)
  1. Learn to bake cakes ...no, a chocolate cake with melted chocolate icing and choco-chips.
  2. Learn to drive car.
  3. Oh. That reminds me - Learn to ride bicycle!! (the one without side-wheels)
  4. Get completely sloshed at least once, say the darn-est things ever and create 'funny, drunken, half-remembered' memories to tell the grand-kids.
  5. Start investing. Activate the bloody online banking option!!!
  6. Start paying off my Student's Loan.
  7. Get in the best shape ever.
  8. GOA. With. Friends.
  9. Lunch at one of the South Bombay Irani Cafes (Berry Pulav, Chicken Salli Boti and Patrani Macchi. Burrp.)
  10. Get a new job.
  11. Grow a potted plant.
  12. Self-learn how to Photoshop well.
  13. Attend a book/poetry reading session.
  14. Join a book club.
  15. Brush up my French and practise it on unsuspecting souls.
  16. Cook dinner for friends.
  17. Read at least one significant works of Neruda.
  18. Start a non-personal blog and post regularly.
  19. Make a denim/cloth bag from online tutorials.
  20. .........
  21. .........
  22. .........
  23. .........
  24. .........
  25. ..........
It is now way past my bed-time and I have scratched enough brains to come up with this list of 19 'Things To Do'. I think I am growing old 'coz I seriously cant think of anymore but 25 it must be!! :(

Dear Readers, this is where I would ask you to suggest something cool/do-able/fun/not-tried-before things that I can possibly complete in next 100 days. Do send me your suggestions in the comments. I shall update this list with the name of person who suggested. :)

Thanks in advance!
Au revoir :)

Wednesday, September 15, 2010

Love at first sight...

Sometimes it doesn't really take too long to find the perfect one. The one that will go a long, long way with you. There you are...minding your regular business..not really looking for the one...not even bothering to look around for the one. But its there for you..just round the corner waiting for you to cast a glance and make it your own. Just a simple glance and you know it in your heart that you two are just meant to be. That's all it takes...a moment - to accept and give in. 

Happy Feet Indeed!!
Ain't we a perfect match? ;)  

Sunday, August 29, 2010

Sukh bhare din beete re bhaiya...

The much dreaded 'Existential Crisis' has finally made its appearance. It reflects itself in a lot of ways and always ends up messing with my mind; resulting in a chaotic haze that simply refuses to leave. I report to work each morning with nothing but a big 'Huh?' registered in my mind and leave wondering, 'What just happened back there???' The situation at home is not very different either. The state of indecisiveness is depressing to say the least coz I was never the one to sit on the fence, but right now decision-making is scaring the shit out of me.

Yes, I know this sounds gibberish...so let me explain.
  • The 'Corporate Slave' crisis: Since childhood, middle class upbringing pretty much nails the idea that education is the only means of achieving 'success' in the real world. The problem is nobody ever spells out the definition of 'success' back then. Worse even is that one is never encouraged to explore his/her meaning of success. So of course, one struggles through the oft-trodden path of 10th-12th-Graduation-MBA only to finally land up in 'a nice job in an MNC'.  And do you know what's the funny part in this whole scenario? Only after going through the ENTIRE ordeal does one realize that 'a nice job in an MNC' was not what I wanted and I would have been perfectly happy with a small piece of land and a tiny cottage in some village with a well and swing in the courtyard with a few cattle  and a dog and my own vegetable garden and some hot coffee brewing on the stove and good book awaiting to be read!!
  • The 'Conformist' crisis: A girl of 24 yrs needs be gotten rid off. Of course they put it in milder terms. There is also a subset called 'You-are-a-girl-behave-like-one!' crisis which one finds stupid beyond doubt and won't bother explaining. 
  • The 'WTF!' crisis: An episode in the recent past has left me shaken to the core. Having immense confidence in my parents and this strong sense of self belief that one has groomed the parents well (:P) I expressed the desire of getting a tattoo done. Not because its cool (Ok, may be a little) but more-so coz I wanted to experiment and experience something new. The reply seemed like a rude wake-up call for someone who thought her family was quite a progressive one! "Why don't you wait for a few years till you are married and then get one if your husband is fine with it?" :O  No words. No argument but a genuine 'WTF!' can beat this one.
If you think post is one big crib against the 'berehem zaalim duniya', well it's not. If you think this post is about parent-bashing, it's not. If you think this is about lending a voice to the feminist in me, wrong again. Its just my thoughts and a few questions I am grappling to find answers to. Trust me dude...these may be one of the most happening years of my life but they are also the most confusing ones!! Give me back those Board exams and late night cramming!! The' 'Chef vs Doctor' arguments with mom! Or even the "Only 90% PCB? God! I am dooooomed" times and I would gladly swap them with these.

Life as I knew is not the same anymore and something tells me its not getting any simpler. Sigh! 

Saturday, July 10, 2010

Remind me NEVER to do this again!

You think this is the one. THE relationship of your life. After all 4 years is a huge amount of time to get to know someone. How conveniently one forgets that 4 years is a good amount of time for someone to change, as well. He promised me things would be just the same when I come back. He promised nothing would have changed. Yes, most of it is just the same, but he isn't the same anymore. 

Change is not always good, you know. It hurts. A lot. Sleepless nights, crying on your pillow, puffed eyes the next morning, that persistent headache and not to mention the gloom that killeth. Friends tell you to give up and move on...you nod to them while vigorously saying no in your mind. You try playing the eternal optimist telling yourself that this is just a phase and things will be back to normal very soon. but that never happens. You fear calling him but still hoping that he misses you just as much as you miss him each day. You wonder how long should you wait till you make that call? A week? Two weeks? You want to desperately call him and talk nothing but the stupidest of things like you used to. Crib about your job. Complain about your mother. Tell him how much you missed his stupidest jokes...and "oh-shit-I-totally-forgot I got nominated for the 'Best Salesperson of the Quarter' Award but didn't win. they gave it to some bimbette from Delhi office" You want to share the latest gossip on common friends..and gloat on how you did some completely unnecessary shopping last weekend. And you want to ramble on and on...and hear him smile on the other end of the phone. And then stop. Coz now it's supposed to be his turn to ramble and yours to smile across the phone.

Just that there is no phone call. coz he doesn't want to listen. He tells you after 4 years that he is tired of the talks. And he thinks that this isn't gonna work out and it's best to discontinue this. Discontinue?? Like a library membership? This is supposed to be a relationship you know..it is tough and you have to make it work. Nobody promised a cake-walk and you have to make a few compromises. But then how do you reply to a 'I don't see a future for us...' ? Leave alone replying, how does one face this statement?

Worse still...how does one pick up the pieces and face the world? How does one tell oneself that your favourite dream is shattered? You pretend you are okay. But you are not okay. You want to ask a million questions which can be quite simply put as 'It's not okay, you know. I thought we had a plan.And it wasn't that difficult a plan - I am with you, you are with me, right till eternity. Now, which part did you find so hard to get?'

Slowly the shock and temper subsides... and an enormous amount of guilt takes over. You blame yourself for everything. you run flashbacks of last 4 years..every phone call, every single date...and analyse what might have gone wrong. And you rest only after you have found a few million faults in you. Self-worth be damned!

And one find day just like today...you simply let him go. You cry your heart out. Blog about it for a remembrance sake and then you tell yourself that Enough is Enough!! All smses deleted and his number wiped out from the cellphone (not that it's gonna help) you wish your memory was just like your Nokia E71's. Suddenly a thought -  'Omg! This is soo 'Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind!! ' And you smile for the first time at your own silly joke :)  

You think of him in a different light now...I could never stay mad at him for too long. 'Bless you dear in your new journey. Wish you a world of happiness. Yes, it kills me to not be part of that world with you..but then :|' It still hurts...but ranting it out helps. Blogs are purgatives for emotions. Thank you for listening. I think I will be ok :) 

Wednesday, May 19, 2010

Pee on demand and other stories...

One fine day, we, the employees of a (recently) profit-making MNC, were informed that the organisation as a part of 'Yes-we-know-you-don't-have-a-life-but-we-care-for-whatever-is-left' initiative would be conducting free Health Check-ups for everyone. There was a tie-up with some fancy corporate hospital where we were supposed to register ourselves for getting poked and probed in all the wrong places...

Now my dad having earned a medical degree ages ago happens to be our family doctor (hardly any choice there) and as it is the case with ghar ki murgi being all daal equivalent, I never actually came to respect this profession with the seriousness it deserves, mostly 'coz my dad always underplayed the seriousness of any medical calamity. Picture this: One fine afternoon you get a call  that your 4 yr old kid has stuffed her nose with chalk and is suffocating. The teacher is worried sick to death and although the school is literally 2 minutes away from home, she (the teacher) is in tears wondering 'der na ho jaaye, kahin der na ho jaaye'. So like any other caring father, my dad asks the teacher to try holding me upside down and let gravity act its way till he reaches the school after attending some 'serious' patients of his. As far as minor things like breathing are considered, well, breathing through mouth is not THAT harmful!! 

Well I reckon that with an attitude like that any complaints of fever/cough/cold/cramps were met with cold stares of  'So? You know where the Crocin is!' as if its hardly respectable to complain about these things. Its only when I suffered from jaundice in 11th std that my dad actually decided to wipe off the dust from his home stethoscope (He has 2 sets - one for his clinic for his 'serious' patients and the other 'hardly-ever-used-still-brand-new-after-25-years' for his dearest family) and actually practised some daactarii. Err...hippocratic ain't it? (all puns intended) 

Anyhoo. After half a dozen reminder mails from the HR and 2 cancelled appointments, my pretty self lands up at this fancy schmancy hospital on an early Friday morning. Starving to death. Why you ask? That silly thing called 'Fasting Blood Sugar'. Its a simple test of one's blood sample for any glucose obviously hoping for its absence/ low amounts. (Correct me if I am wrong. On second thoughts, please don't. Pharmacy degree at stake.) So they strap your hand with bands so the swollen veins come out of hiding. The only problem in my case, the veins are buried under some serious subcutaneous fat! 
Prick! Ouch!! (Strike One). 
Prick! Ow ouch!! (Strike Two)
Prick!! A puddle of blood (Strike Three. Can I kill her???)

All this while the lab technician maintains serenity of a mother with innocence of a child. She even manages to mumble a "Sorry huh! I had to prick thrice. I hope it didn't hurt" Ofcorz not!! I had fun! Why don't we catch up once in a while and do this more often!! Hmmph!     

Next we move on to Room # 2
# Drink like a Fish.

Sadly its plain H20. This one is for the sonography where they like to watch your bloated bladders on a TV-like screen and pass comments at it to make you feel bad. (So much for my beautiful insides!!) So I am on Bottle# 3..already feeling that urge to visit the nearest restroom and a cheerful nurse comes across handing me another bottle! Not in a negotiating mood, I simply bade her with a smile indicating I cant drink any more liquid  without letting some go!! Simple Archimedes principle - displacement of volume!! But no!! She wouldn't budge, she made me drink 5 full bottles and only when I threatened to pee in my pants did she finally bestow her approval with a triumphant look and yelled 'Bladder Full' to the doctor conducting sonography. So much for being discreet :|

Next we move on to Room # 3
# Doctors are men. Men will flirt. Thus, doctors will flirt. Hence, proved.

One tries to indicate that one has office to attend. One indicates that one really needs no consultation. One does not have any medical history worth discussing. And yes, not to forget one's dad is a doctor. But no!! A determined doctor is a determined doctor. He will flirt in English then subtly move on to the common mother tongue and finally crack the lousiest of jokes to make an impression. An impression he did leave with abundant entertainment too ;)

Room # 4
#Gynecology Tests:

'Are you sexually active?' she asked, I laughed in reply. 'Is that a yes or no?' she asked again. 'Sorry, I was thinking of something else' :P Enuff said.

So finally after 4 hours I was done with all the tests. The doc from Room # 3 seemed slightly sad to see me go but the cheerful nurse (the one who yelled 'Bladder Full') was happy to finally let me use the washroom and leave. For once, it felt good to see that the fancy hospital did indeed live upto its name. It was good to see well-paid, happy doctors genuinely concerned about their patients. And lastly it was fun to finally experience being a patient for a day. Heck! I think I will do it more often!! :D