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What am I doing here???

It's that time of the year again :)

Hey! Just back from a power walk. And man does that feel good!! :) The New year began with a not so great start for me and my loved one. The first day of 2009 was spent in contemplation (read: feeling miserable and guilty). A few realisations and resolutions later, things began getting slightly better. Finally it was time to say, ‘Enough!’ and go for a walk. It felt good to put on the hood of my sweatshirt and block the entire world out. Oh and Radio Mirchi can sure be a great friend at times.
Yessss! It’s that time of the year..time for resolutions, time to make task-list and hoping to strike them off when I actually achieve them.

Okay!! So here’s presenting THE LIST OF 2009!!
1. To become a lesser ‘dharti ka bojh’: Okay for dimwits who still haven’t got it, this one very subtly suggests that I NEED TO LOSE WEIGHT!!! Ahem..subtle enough!
So how am I actually going to achieve it?
Well, as any b-schooler worth his CGPAs would tell you, I need to have a plan!! And yes as any Compulsive DCP guy would tell you, I also need to have a contingency plan..err plan B!!
So here it goes:
a. A BIG bye-bye to rice, egg yolk, bread and junk food :( More than anything else, its going to be a tear-jerking breakup with my long-standing love..MAGGI!! (It’s going to be a tough task :( and a heart-breaking one too, but this is one bad relationship which must be put to an end. It was a classic example of how good girls fall for bad guys. I know, I may just fall weak some times and may end up having a one night stand, but no! This determined lady won’t fall for temptations any more.)
b. A BIG hello to the gym..yes, my workout clothes and shoes are now going to be my best buddies. Not to forget the towel to wipe that sweat off my brow and that water bottle to quench my parched body just when I am done with Cardio and about to begin the Weights. Aah! I am already beginning to get all excited! Oh noo!! How is a poor girl supposed to go gyming without a gym bag?? (Note to self: First thing tomorrow: Go shopping!!)
c. No plan B!! I have no option but to pursue plan A successfully.

2. To start taking care of yours truly. This includes all those chores at which I used to roll my eyes and gag at one point of time..err till yesterday actually. These happen to be the tried and tested ‘dadima ke nuske’ that have the power to make a swan out of an ugly duckling. And hell!! This duckling sure needs some drastic help! Afterall, marriage ki age ho rahi hain jee :D (Oh! Btw, watched ‘Rab ne bana di jodi’..more on that later)

3. To involve myself in more productive stuff: Nopes. I don’t mean this biologically. Strictly figuratively speaking :P
a. Read more non-fiction!! (I don’t need to be told to read fiction..it just comes naturally.)
b. Start blogging more regularly (I know, I should have some rehem on my fans no! Poor souls they just keep checking this blog everyday for new posts. Afterall yeh mere fans ka pyaar hi toh hai jisse main itni famous ho gayi hun jee! Official readership count is now 6!! No wait ..5 :P)
c. Get more sleep. Sundar dikhne ke liye beauty sleep must hain jee!

Phew! I guess abhi ke liye itna kaafi hain. I hope 2009 gives me the strength and tenacity to follow this task-list through. Actually, yeh mera first time hain jee, to make such plans-wans, so agar follow na karu toh bacchii ko bass thoda daat dena jee..
Toh chalo ab bistar ko maarne ka time hogaya hain jee (Time to hit the bed jee!) Yaad hain na ..Point number 3C jee! :D
Aapko aur aapke loved ones ko bhi is happy wale new year ki badi shubhkamnayein jee!! Do take care, koi list-wisht banao toh mujhe bhi batana jee..I would be happy to know!:)

Apan hyanna pahilat ka?

Does it ever happen to you? Like you are in a middle of a very busy day, hands are moving, mind is thinking but something feels terribly amiss?? It’s happening to me! Just right now, as I am writing this..something seems wrong, say like a fully-clad mallika sherawat...or worse like a politician with no criminal record! :-0

I mean, jus some time back, i finished watching a movie, went to the mess..cursed the food, had bournvita milk, lost a badminton game (17-15) and argued with a friend on Dhoni Vs Tendulkar (more like Ranchi vs Mumbai) and then just as I enter my room, I suddenly feel all gloomy. I check my mica inbox and even the prospect of no new assignment mails doesn’t cheer me!!

It’s been a long time that I actually cursed someone in Marathi. English? Yeah, just 15 mins back. But Marathi? Positively no.

Kai maha-nalayak ahes!
Kiti neech ahes!!
Tujhyamule majhi S.P. (Samajik Pratishtha...duh!!) down hotey!!
Kai maaz aahe!
Laeee bhaari!
Mandal aabhari aahe
Le....
Laee beshtt!
Tujhya nanachi tang!
Tu itka kasa re dha??

Aaargghh!! I am dying to say these to someone out loud!! Sadly my roomie would just remove her headphones and ask, 'You said something kya?' and I would politely say, 'No, no ..its nothing'
I want to speak in Marathi..I want to bitch in Marathi..coz somehow I have realised that one can show happiness in English, but sadness and anger are best vented out in your mother-tongue.
He scolds me a lot when I use foul language..I know, it so spoils his dream of me being a 'shalin, kulin, changlya gharatli sanskaari mulgi' but then doesn’t swearing help in the exact verbalisation of your feelings? I mean try saying 'laee bessht' when you are truly happy. Doesn’t it take you back to good ol’ Shivaji Park katta where you are laughing aloud with your gang and checking out few cool and mostly fat guys jogging around?? Sheer bliss!! So much like a steaming hot maggie, a cold coffee and 153rd time re-run of 'Hum aapke hain kaun' courtesy your friendly neighbourhood cablewala, on a cold Friday night :)

I guess it’s because our mother-tongue reminds us of all the good things which we leave behind like in my case, before coming to this god-forsaken Shela village in the middle of nowhere. She assures me I shall never fumble while expressing myself, I shall never stop mid-sentence to find a better word to describe. I may learn a new language, but I will always call out to my loved ones in my mother tongue. I may say, ‘wow!’ but my reflexes will always say, ‘Aai ga!’ She tells me to be grounded because I may learn English, French or German but my parents will only respond to the words ‘Aai-baba’. She gently reminds that I may branch out afar but these roots shall always hold me tight and bring me back to that one place which meant almost nothing to me when I had it and so much now that I am away.. HOME.

Hmm..thoda senti ho gaya...I guess this is enough for the day..Exams from next week..please pray for me. I know you lazy bums wont :P
Anyways take care..Do comment on this post which I wrote itni mehnat se instead of studying. Nahitar phatke maarin ek-ekanna. Aai Shappath! ;-)

P.S: On overwhelming popular demand (ok! just one) I have changed the title of this post from 'Arbitgiri..maxed out!' to 'Apan hyanna pahilat ka?' dont ask me why such a title coz I have just been diagnosed with the dead-brain syndrome and would take the entire lifetime to recover :D

Something very close to my heart :)

I can never put down what EXACTLY I feel when I listen to this ghazal by Mehndi Hasan.
Its ethereal..so sublime that you cant believe that someone has actually penned down these lyrics. How could someone understand the pain, the agony, the silent desperation of a lover so well? Not sure if guys are capable of these emotions (This is not meant as a sarcasm, just my limitation to understand the opposite gender. Lemme know guys if you can relate to this piece of wonder) but the poet has definitely understood a woman's heart well..

Sharing the lyrics below..do listen to the ghazal and tell me you love it too :)

Ranjish hi sahi dil hi dukhane ke liye aa
Aa fir se mujhe chhod ke jaane ke liye aa
Ranjish hi sahi…………

Pehle se marasim naa sahi fir bhi kabhi to
Rasmo rahe duniya hi nibhane ke liye aa
Ranjish hi sahi…………

Kis kis ko batayenge judai ka sabab hum
Tu mujhse khafa hai to zamane ke liye aa
Ranjish hi sahi…………

Kuch to mere pindar-e-mohabbat ka bharam rakh
Tu bhi to kabhi mujhko manane ke liye aa
Ranjish hi sahi…………

Ik umr se hoon lazate giriya se bhi mehroom
Aye raahate jaan mujhko rulane ke liye aa
Ranjish hi sahi…………

P.S : If you love someone whole-heartedly ( yes! half-hearted love exists!) then don't ever hurt him/her so much that this ghazal makes them feel like their own story :)

That thing called LOU!! :P

A few random thoughts about that thing called 'love' :) and yes, to reiterate the fact that I am an MBA student, let me just say that bullet points have become a way of life :D

• I once read an article which said that love never exists between equals. One is always the lover and the other, the loved one. Not that the loved one doesn't love back, but it’s just a different kind of love. Phew! 6 different versions of the word 'love' in the last 3 lines. If only love was so easily available :|

• Romantic comedy has always been my favourite genre of movies. Yes, I have been a big-time sucker for all that on-screen 'skip-a-heart-beat', totally 'awwww!’ mushy dialogues! Haii!! If only the guys these days took classes for screenplay ;)

• When people change, how can you expect love to be the same? I hope to find answer to this one before it’s too late!! :D

• Why is love so habit-forming? Even addictive?? And while you answer that, please leave the address of its local rehab centre :P

Down the memory lane, anyone??

When life is all vella, one tends to walk down the memory lane. Make that two, actually. It was sheer co-incidental that me and Viraj were both missing those 'good ol' days' and happened to buzz each other on gtalk and started cribbing about it. Reminiscing about the past led me to write this following piece on an evening we spent together almost 2 years back. Nachiket, Viraj, Kaustubh, Rutuja, Aditi and Prachi. At this point each one us is at a different place with no hopes of reliving those happy memories again in the near future! :( I didn't want that evening to be lost in the realms of past.So here's an attempt to recollect those moments :) Cheers to those days guys! :)

"December 2006.

I still remember that day pretty clearly. One of the Dombi guys had called to invite me for some Dombivli Fair which comes up once a year. I laughed it off at first..it was an apt addition to my constant joke on this place Dombivli having just one post-office, one school, one theatre and now this one annual fair. “Arey kitna fundoo hota hai!” is what i remember being told. I still remember wearing that Pink (yeah pink!) Fab-India kurti on my regular jeans. Had met KK at thane station and we happily travelled dangling from the footboard from thane to dombivli. Met up with Viraj, Nachi, Aditi and Prachi and finally reached the fair after a rickshaw ride from station.

Well, the Grand Dombi Fair was just like any other fair...So much for “Arey kitna fundoo hota hai!”:D But I remember having a lot of fun at the rides especially the Giant Wheel. You sit in the car and lock the safety rod and then they slowly take you up till the highest point and stop. Suddenly the morons in your car start behaving like hyper oxygenated monkeys jumping up and down and sideways and you start to feel giddy and just when you want to get down, the Giant wheel obediently starts but this time the acceleration gives you that ‘potaat khada padla’ feeling! You cringe and the Dombi guys laugh their guts out..little do you realise that the ordeal isn’t over yet and since you can’t escape, its better you join in, in the fun and start making fun of the next victim in line :P

Soon it was time to leave for home. Well Dombivli being this tiny village on the outskirts of Mumbai, one has to leave early if one has to reach home well before the deadline (I am so dead now!) :D Just then someone in the gang was hit with this brilliant idea of having a night out at KK’s home. Aditi was game and with one girl in tow, I somehow convinced my mom to let me stay over too :) Prachi however had to leave but not before we had a nice dinner of Pavbhaji (at that one single restaurant in Dombivli, mind you!) and clicking away pictures till the cam batteries died. I still don’t get it why we click the same exact pictures of ourselves with those same exact smiles but nevertheless we continued with this grand ritual till the owner was glad to see us leave.

It was pretty late now. Almost 10.30 when we reached KK’s home. KK’s mom was about to leave for their Ghatkopar home. I have no clue how he convinced his mom to let 3 guys and 2 girls stay under one roof all night. But I must say his mom is one helluva cool lady! I mean no dirty looks and no questions asked!! Again a brilliant idea and we packed a mattress, a few cushions and water bottles and made our way to the terrace. It was a cold winter night. But not a harsh winter ..just a mild coolness in the air. That is when it began, under the starlit skies, with cool breeze blowing, the mentally retarded game of Dumb-Charades!! ‘Shaitan ka Honeymoon’ followed by ‘Shawshank Redemption’. You get the idea? We cheated, we teased, we fought but the truth is we had the time of our lives that night. We made so much ruckus that KK was sure his neighbours would ring the police and you know what? We would have been game for even that adventure..we were so high on life! Mood Indigo was to begin the next day, plans were etched and promises were made to keep this fun going. I even remember Nachi teaching me Salsa steps he had learnt a year before at MoodI workshop. That night was full of fun and friendship. Finally we decided to go off to sleep. The next morning, it felt slightly bad to put an end to this joyride, but we had to leave. It was time for goodbyes to Nachi and Viraj as me, KK and Aditi made our way to station. Caught an early morning local train and when I got down from the train at Thane, I managed to catch a glimpse of KK standing at the footboard of gents compartment. His smile said it all..the good time that we had shared and more so of those which would follow in this friendship of ours :) "

Comments on Life etc..

Okay! After overcoming my "Why me? " syndrome, I just realised that I am really not all that weird as I made myself out to be in the earlier post :D Just for the record, I have been in a slightly better mood ever since I wrote that post. May be that is got something to do with the proverbial ' getting the load off my shoulder'. Yeah, so soon after this off-loading bit happened, I receive not a single comment, to my utter dismay :( ( My fans!! Where art thou? You not being paid enough ;)) but not one but two mails :) which more than made up for the loss!! ( You random reader, post a comment!)

I am posting them below, just as they are..and yes, thanks to both Viraj (in voilet) and Abhijit (in green) for making the effort :)

"Nice choice of words, for starters... Very well written post

I guess ur point is "One needs to change his approach if others do not respond to ur behaviour".. Seems the right way to go.. Though I guess the trick is in only changing that little bit, so that its not entirely unlike you.. for otherwise it would be very difficult for you too.. the end is important, but beyond a limit, so are the means to achieve it..

About the change(s) in you, I guess I had warned you about that the last time we met before u left for MICA.. Yet, dont worry too much, most of the decisions / changes in behaviour which are based on ur frame of mind at tht time would not last in the long run. Only those would prevail where you are convinced a change would help ur cause... The best part is this process goes unnoticed mostly, until sm1 like u posts up a past like this one.. :-)

Bottomline: Dont think too much - keep faith in yourself that you would do the right things on most occasions... and Just enjoy!!"

Cheers,
Viraj.

"Hi,

I read new post on your blog. I was not sure if it was ok with you for me to comment on it. So I thought to write you.
This is just something which immediately came to my mind after reading this..
If you have changed as you have said..."It will be nice to meet changed Rutuja Shinde..."

About the second change you said...about maturity....

Somehow I am feeling the same... sometimes it becomes hard to believe that I am just 22 (soon will be 23) ...
I don't know why and from where this feeling of "maturity" is coming... feels like 25-26....
I have lost child and youth both in me...

Anyways...my intention was not to make you listen all this crap...but just to share the feeling that I am going through kind of same situation...

You must be doing well with your studies..
Take care...

Bye, "

Abhijit

These 2 mails definitely made me feel better. Kinda reinstated my belief in that almost biblical saying, "Dont fret! There's always someone in a deeper shit than you" :)

Have a nice day folks!