How I wish...

I wish I could cry
as loud as a child
show pain and anger
be hurt and wild

I wish I could laugh
like a rollicking baby
my tummy would ache
and a tear-drop maybe

I wish I could envy
for chocolates & fairy-frocks
wish for candies & ribbons
and Cinderella's golden locks

I wish I could be curious
about earthworms and butterflies
airplanes and neon lights
and that lone eagle in night skies

I wish I could be enthralled
by the wonder of Nature
the dazzling sunset, the carpet of stars
the ice-caped peaks, the innocent hope of future

I wish I could fear
like mothers, for their sons
the dark, the unknown
and your own actions

I wish I could love
with such complete honesty
the sacrificing, the unconditional
lasting from yesterday, till eternity

Over-coming the 'Placement Jitters' Syndrome

Ever get a feeling that you are simply sailing through life, going where life takes you rather you leading it? I mean, how long should one just drift without taking charge of the situation. I don't know why/how but today i feel like taking charge of my life. Maybe it's the recession. Or maybe its just PMS :|

When the job scene scares the daylights outta you, more than any Ramsay Bros movie ever could, you know the shit has hit the ceiling! Watching some of my seniors go through the painful and morale-breaking..err no, morale-pulverizing placement process, makes me wonder if one can really control one's life any more? How do you stop that one rare company visiting your campus from rejecting you? I mean, for how long can a guy keep saying to himself, 'Stuck like dope on this thing called hope'? Somewhere inside me there must be a voice yelling out, 'U gotta be kidding me!!'

Okay, I admit, I am suffering from premature Placement Jitters (PJ) syndrome. But watching friends in PGP2 go through hell does make even a thick-skinned person like me go :(
I wonder if prayers work during recession. Or even the big guy sitting up there in heaven has this tiny asterisk saying "Conditions apply"?? *Minor palpitations follow*

Anyway, when there is little that you can do to change the situation, you might as well try and adapt to it. 3 terms into a b-school has made me realise that I have absolutely no knowledge/information whatever, about whats going on in the business world outside of Shela village. For that matter, even the business world withing Shela village doesnt attract my attention. So just yesterday I came up with this brilliant thought that I need to do something to make myself more err..saleable in the job market. That apart, sitting blank in the classes with a big 'Huh?' sign on my face while the prof talks about business strategies of the Volkswagen, Philips and Unilevers of the world, can get a tad bit boring. Mind you, I realised this in my term 3 :D
Okay, so here's my plan. Every week I would read up on a particular industry..say, pharmaceutical, automobiles, telecomm etc and try to find out what is the current scenario, the growth drivers, the problems faced, strategies adopted along with the forerunners of that game. Phew! I think it's hight time that I get serious about life and move beyond my regular 'oh-god-my-life-sucks' mode and get into 'wow-this-is-pretty-interesting-stuff' mode. I remember the last time that happened was my 3rd year seminar, where I slogged on Pharmaceutical IPRs and surprisingly, loved it!! :)

WAC class awaits..Prof Saral Mukherjee from IIM A would be waiting for the MICAn stars to amaze him(her??..will fing out soon) to enthrall him (her??) with their brightness :D Hihihi..who am I kidding? The more we try to change, the more we remain the same! :) A post-lunch session..may God save him (her??)

Life's a bitch

How do you tell someone that you are sorry? How do you tell someone that if it were possible, you would bundle up all their sorrows, tie them tightly, lock them up in a trunk and bury them into the deep end of the ocean? How do you face someone whom you have erred several times, who trusted you each time only to be hurt all over again? How do tell that to someone who tops your list of favourite people?

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Life as its called, seems to be pretty much cross with me. She (yeah, it must be a 'she'..I have never got along well with most of the girls) corners me, confronts me and when I retaliate, seems to laugh back mockingly. The bitch. Innocently prances around in front of me..making me want to be good to her..telling me how I would be some much better off, if only I got along well with here. And then, just when I try to be friends with her..she sniggers and snides, and smirkingly tells me that shes much too dainty to be buddy-buddy with me.

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Edit: Err..I guess I am the bitch :D

I published the above post and re-read it. Something felt wrong. Outright foolish. I so smartly blamed this entity called 'life' with my mistakes and missed out opportunities ? When will I finally learn, huh?

HUH??

The world belongs to the smart, the intelligent, the beautiful and the talented! :|
What am I doing here???

It's that time of the year again :)

Hey! Just back from a power walk. And man does that feel good!! :) The New year began with a not so great start for me and my loved one. The first day of 2009 was spent in contemplation (read: feeling miserable and guilty). A few realisations and resolutions later, things began getting slightly better. Finally it was time to say, ‘Enough!’ and go for a walk. It felt good to put on the hood of my sweatshirt and block the entire world out. Oh and Radio Mirchi can sure be a great friend at times.
Yessss! It’s that time of the year..time for resolutions, time to make task-list and hoping to strike them off when I actually achieve them.

Okay!! So here’s presenting THE LIST OF 2009!!
1. To become a lesser ‘dharti ka bojh’: Okay for dimwits who still haven’t got it, this one very subtly suggests that I NEED TO LOSE WEIGHT!!! Ahem..subtle enough!
So how am I actually going to achieve it?
Well, as any b-schooler worth his CGPAs would tell you, I need to have a plan!! And yes as any Compulsive DCP guy would tell you, I also need to have a contingency plan..err plan B!!
So here it goes:
a. A BIG bye-bye to rice, egg yolk, bread and junk food :( More than anything else, its going to be a tear-jerking breakup with my long-standing love..MAGGI!! (It’s going to be a tough task :( and a heart-breaking one too, but this is one bad relationship which must be put to an end. It was a classic example of how good girls fall for bad guys. I know, I may just fall weak some times and may end up having a one night stand, but no! This determined lady won’t fall for temptations any more.)
b. A BIG hello to the gym..yes, my workout clothes and shoes are now going to be my best buddies. Not to forget the towel to wipe that sweat off my brow and that water bottle to quench my parched body just when I am done with Cardio and about to begin the Weights. Aah! I am already beginning to get all excited! Oh noo!! How is a poor girl supposed to go gyming without a gym bag?? (Note to self: First thing tomorrow: Go shopping!!)
c. No plan B!! I have no option but to pursue plan A successfully.

2. To start taking care of yours truly. This includes all those chores at which I used to roll my eyes and gag at one point of time..err till yesterday actually. These happen to be the tried and tested ‘dadima ke nuske’ that have the power to make a swan out of an ugly duckling. And hell!! This duckling sure needs some drastic help! Afterall, marriage ki age ho rahi hain jee :D (Oh! Btw, watched ‘Rab ne bana di jodi’..more on that later)

3. To involve myself in more productive stuff: Nopes. I don’t mean this biologically. Strictly figuratively speaking :P
a. Read more non-fiction!! (I don’t need to be told to read fiction..it just comes naturally.)
b. Start blogging more regularly (I know, I should have some rehem on my fans no! Poor souls they just keep checking this blog everyday for new posts. Afterall yeh mere fans ka pyaar hi toh hai jisse main itni famous ho gayi hun jee! Official readership count is now 6!! No wait ..5 :P)
c. Get more sleep. Sundar dikhne ke liye beauty sleep must hain jee!

Phew! I guess abhi ke liye itna kaafi hain. I hope 2009 gives me the strength and tenacity to follow this task-list through. Actually, yeh mera first time hain jee, to make such plans-wans, so agar follow na karu toh bacchii ko bass thoda daat dena jee..
Toh chalo ab bistar ko maarne ka time hogaya hain jee (Time to hit the bed jee!) Yaad hain na ..Point number 3C jee! :D
Aapko aur aapke loved ones ko bhi is happy wale new year ki badi shubhkamnayein jee!! Do take care, koi list-wisht banao toh mujhe bhi batana jee..I would be happy to know!:)

Apan hyanna pahilat ka?

Does it ever happen to you? Like you are in a middle of a very busy day, hands are moving, mind is thinking but something feels terribly amiss?? It’s happening to me! Just right now, as I am writing this..something seems wrong, say like a fully-clad mallika sherawat...or worse like a politician with no criminal record! :-0

I mean, jus some time back, i finished watching a movie, went to the mess..cursed the food, had bournvita milk, lost a badminton game (17-15) and argued with a friend on Dhoni Vs Tendulkar (more like Ranchi vs Mumbai) and then just as I enter my room, I suddenly feel all gloomy. I check my mica inbox and even the prospect of no new assignment mails doesn’t cheer me!!

It’s been a long time that I actually cursed someone in Marathi. English? Yeah, just 15 mins back. But Marathi? Positively no.

Kai maha-nalayak ahes!
Kiti neech ahes!!
Tujhyamule majhi S.P. (Samajik Pratishtha...duh!!) down hotey!!
Kai maaz aahe!
Laeee bhaari!
Mandal aabhari aahe
Le....
Laee beshtt!
Tujhya nanachi tang!
Tu itka kasa re dha??

Aaargghh!! I am dying to say these to someone out loud!! Sadly my roomie would just remove her headphones and ask, 'You said something kya?' and I would politely say, 'No, no ..its nothing'
I want to speak in Marathi..I want to bitch in Marathi..coz somehow I have realised that one can show happiness in English, but sadness and anger are best vented out in your mother-tongue.
He scolds me a lot when I use foul language..I know, it so spoils his dream of me being a 'shalin, kulin, changlya gharatli sanskaari mulgi' but then doesn’t swearing help in the exact verbalisation of your feelings? I mean try saying 'laee bessht' when you are truly happy. Doesn’t it take you back to good ol’ Shivaji Park katta where you are laughing aloud with your gang and checking out few cool and mostly fat guys jogging around?? Sheer bliss!! So much like a steaming hot maggie, a cold coffee and 153rd time re-run of 'Hum aapke hain kaun' courtesy your friendly neighbourhood cablewala, on a cold Friday night :)

I guess it’s because our mother-tongue reminds us of all the good things which we leave behind like in my case, before coming to this god-forsaken Shela village in the middle of nowhere. She assures me I shall never fumble while expressing myself, I shall never stop mid-sentence to find a better word to describe. I may learn a new language, but I will always call out to my loved ones in my mother tongue. I may say, ‘wow!’ but my reflexes will always say, ‘Aai ga!’ She tells me to be grounded because I may learn English, French or German but my parents will only respond to the words ‘Aai-baba’. She gently reminds that I may branch out afar but these roots shall always hold me tight and bring me back to that one place which meant almost nothing to me when I had it and so much now that I am away.. HOME.

Hmm..thoda senti ho gaya...I guess this is enough for the day..Exams from next week..please pray for me. I know you lazy bums wont :P
Anyways take care..Do comment on this post which I wrote itni mehnat se instead of studying. Nahitar phatke maarin ek-ekanna. Aai Shappath! ;-)

P.S: On overwhelming popular demand (ok! just one) I have changed the title of this post from 'Arbitgiri..maxed out!' to 'Apan hyanna pahilat ka?' dont ask me why such a title coz I have just been diagnosed with the dead-brain syndrome and would take the entire lifetime to recover :D

Something very close to my heart :)

I can never put down what EXACTLY I feel when I listen to this ghazal by Mehndi Hasan.
Its ethereal..so sublime that you cant believe that someone has actually penned down these lyrics. How could someone understand the pain, the agony, the silent desperation of a lover so well? Not sure if guys are capable of these emotions (This is not meant as a sarcasm, just my limitation to understand the opposite gender. Lemme know guys if you can relate to this piece of wonder) but the poet has definitely understood a woman's heart well..

Sharing the lyrics below..do listen to the ghazal and tell me you love it too :)

Ranjish hi sahi dil hi dukhane ke liye aa
Aa fir se mujhe chhod ke jaane ke liye aa
Ranjish hi sahi…………

Pehle se marasim naa sahi fir bhi kabhi to
Rasmo rahe duniya hi nibhane ke liye aa
Ranjish hi sahi…………

Kis kis ko batayenge judai ka sabab hum
Tu mujhse khafa hai to zamane ke liye aa
Ranjish hi sahi…………

Kuch to mere pindar-e-mohabbat ka bharam rakh
Tu bhi to kabhi mujhko manane ke liye aa
Ranjish hi sahi…………

Ik umr se hoon lazate giriya se bhi mehroom
Aye raahate jaan mujhko rulane ke liye aa
Ranjish hi sahi…………

P.S : If you love someone whole-heartedly ( yes! half-hearted love exists!) then don't ever hurt him/her so much that this ghazal makes them feel like their own story :)